Comments on baby from in-laws
My in-laws made so much comments on baby when we first visited. Instead of fawning over their grandchild, or asking how are we coping with a newborn, or checking how is my recovery, they just freely commented on baby in front of baby and us things like "the skin so dark", "looks like tomboy", "so skinny", "hair so little" etc. As a new mum, their unnecessary and unkind remarks on my precious baby made me upset and I seriously fear more on the next visits. Any good advice on how we can politely let them know we do mind such comments? I love my baby deeply, I feel defensive to hear these yet helpless because I dunno how to react. *No, ignoring their words is not helpful advice, a real solution is preferred, otherwise this will just be a continuous cycle and worsen my anxiety and stress level each time we visit them* *Update: Many have advised to ignore. We did that, and just as I have expected, these comments continued every time we meet. đ
Iâm not on the best term with my in laws! When my baby was almost a month old they insisted on bringing the baby to their house so that they can pray (for idk what fk reason) Iâm a Christian they Buddhist so Iâm super annoyed already! When I went over baby needed to latch so I went to the room to latch then after that baby poop so I change diaper and then latch again! All these took awhile! So MIL decided to be a bij came in the room and say âwhy so long one baby NEED to go downâ I shoot back âwhy NEED to go down? Iâm latching you all WAITâ lmao beggars canât be choosers. After that they also keep saying about my baby girl and teaching me what to do! âNeed to shave the hairâ âneed to shave the browâ âneed to drink waterâ need to do this do that ALL I retaliate cause Iâm not the kind that will keep quiet and tahan so I say âwhy need to cut Iâm not going to cutâ âalready no brows shave what brows crazy ahâ ânot even 6 months drink what waterâ I just shut them up with âTHIS IS MY BABY YOU ALL DONT TEACH ME WHAT TO DO IF YOU ALL WANT A BABY TO CONTROL GO MAKE 1 yourselfâ So in my opinion dont shut up just speak for yourself when you need to. JIA YOU!
Read morei feel u. my baby fell sick a few days after her first day in infant care. my mil came over, and said, "babies who are not fully breast fed usually get suck easily. maybe the teachers didn't take care of her properly. " then she went on and compared with my nephew,( my sis in law is a SAHM) "he's fully breastfed, taken care of at home. not even once he got sick. didnt even have fever after his immunizations." i felt enraged. i was so angry at how she mindlessly compared me,a working mom, to a SAHM. so i bluntly said,"ya your daughter is able to breastfeed everytime becos she's not working and doesn't have a house yet and still living under your roof. she has u at her beck and call to help her if she needs rest. " i swear to you, my mil shut up and stopped all these unnecessary comments after that. sorry for being long winded but im tryna tell you to just be Blunt! the parents and in laws need this reminder sometimes
Read moreMil will always dote on their own daughter than DIL. We can never feel fully loved by mil one. đ¤Śđťââď¸
totally with you... stay strong! i would propose 1) bring it up to your husband; seek his concurrent and ask him to stop the comments 2) dont lose your cool which i think is impt for a long term rlship. take the baby, walk away to the kitchen, to the room. hopefully they can sense your avoidance and dislike in such topic/comment 3) i would be frank and tell them that i have no control on how my baby looks. Part of the baby comes from the dad and the family. 4) answer them in a way to say that u love the baby the same, no less, regardless of how they may have judge. ppl usually stop after hearing defensive remark. 5) i tried to be amicable.. but when worst case, just had to tell them directly, stop commenting on the baby and you need them to set a better example as grandparents
Read moreSounds like my mil. Omg. My hubby talk to her also no use. Her mouth just cannot stop, need to say if not she will be unhappy and heart attack with all this prolonged unhappiness . Lol In the end I moved further and further away from her... until now we are in 2 different countries . And best still with Covid , I no need to visit her anymore. So no need to hear her nonsense and be controlled by her. But we still call and video conference very often. And I try to say mostly good things about mil in front of hubby. Move far far away. If she stay in west, u move to east, if she stay in east u move to west ...
Read morebeen there gone through that phase during confinement period the whole 44days and ongoing. At first I put a deaf ear and told my husband single thing as I don't want to be having a depression. Till something triggers me I just told them off and told them if they have nothing nice to say just shut up. if they keep on continue this stupid comments I would not come to their house. it works for me I know I'm being rude but my husband supports me as he could not take it either.
Read moreCongratulations on your new baby!! Alright, it seems that you still want an amicable relationship with your in-laws so the best way to handle is going through from your husband. Let him know that it hurts and hint to them not to say such things. If this long process doesn't work, then the next time you meet, you can tell them that you love your baby no matter what and hope they do too đĽ°
Read moredont let those comments affect u. you are stronger than that. now you re a mommyđĽ°. if i were in your shoes, i will just take the baby tell my hub if they dont like it they can dont see the bb and tell him you re unhappy with the feedback and hope he and his parents can be more sensitive towards a new mommy going to through post partum. be firm okay? congrats
Read moreI would say: 1. Your comment really hurts my feelings 2. Well, thatâs not v positive to say 3. I love my baby no matter what skin tone or how he/she looks like⌠4. Show ur displeased face and say this (ur comments) really isnt helping me. Hang in there mummy. Ur feelings are valid.
Read moreto me ignore is the best way or u may say âŞď¸THANK YOU for your comment âŞď¸ your comment is well noted âŞď¸ it's too early to comment, baby is growing everyday to avoid unhappiness, I won't be visiting them at all, it's fine if hubby want to pay them visit with daughter
Read moreexpress that you didn't like their comments through non verbal cues. better not to say verbally as it registers in mind and stays for ever. but in reality, I also retort back sometimes. it's not possible at the recieving end at all times.
A wife, a mom to a 16mths old toddler & an educator.