HUSBAND HATES OUR SON...

I'm feeling sad, confused, angry, and anxious all at once... My husband's attitude has changed drastically since I gave birth. He really hates our son... He always says that our child brings bad luck, and he doesn't want to take care of him. According to my husband, because of giving birth to our child, he almost lost me. He loves me very much... The childbirth process was really life and death. I was taken to the ICU because it was only discovered during delivery that I had a serious illness. I still remember hearing him crying out loud at the hospital. Thank God I survived, although it has affected me significantly, and I can't be like before... When our baby was brought to the room, my husband was silent. At first, he was always silent. But since we got home, it has gotten worse... He often yells when our baby cries, "Be quiet! If it weren't for you, my wife wouldn't be like this." Oh.. I don't know how many times we've had big fights. But in the end, he always cries and says he is very scared and traumatized by the thought of almost losing me. But does he have to hate our child... who doesn't understand anything and didn't ask to be born into this world :( I want to take him to a psychologist, honestly. But he's still so old-fashioned and says he's not crazy. I'm scared, ma'am, just to go to the shop or go out for a bit, I can't bear to see the baby being scolded... My husband also gets angry and hates my parents and even his own parents who used to say they wanted grandchildren quickly. "If we hadn't listened to them back then, none of this would have happened." It's like my husband is the one having baby blues, ma'am. I'm so confused about what to do, ma'am, please give me some advice :(

Anonymous

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As a father myself, I would say it is not easy and I believe it is challenging for your hubby to seek professional help. It is, now, an additional stressor which you need to work on as you juggle with a newborn. Can I suggest: you bring yourself to go seek help with a nearby FAM@FSC (if you are based in Singapore), or a social services agency which can provide family counselling. Ask him to attend the session together with you and highlight the family challenges in the session. Share with him and the helping professionals that you are committed to work on the issues you are facing in the family, and you need your hubby's help to resolve the challenges together. In family sessions, the counsellor/psychologist or social worker will work it out step-by-step with your hubby and you, sometime could be individually and sometimes as a couple/family. Wishing your family well. p.s: Call 1800-222-0000 to ask for the nearest FAM@FSC to your place of residence, and seek for a referral if you feel this suggestion works.

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