Rant of a stay-at-home mum

Question

I just need to get this off my chest because i feel like no one understands except for new mums like me. I’m a stay-at-home mum, taking care of my 6mo son currently living with my in-laws. My son’s development has been going well, at times he can be a little too advanced for his age. He has begun crawling but not so well, he can roam around basically. Recently, fencing my bed with adult pillows (heavy & thick ones) doesn’t seem to work anymore. Of course, he has to be constantly keep an eye on. At times i will lay his playmat in the living room & leave him there while i do my things. But when it comes to bathing, i feel like i can’t leave him there for too long bc the house is not children-friendly (vases everywhere, old wooden furnitures with sharp corners) or he could go underneath furnitures where it’s very dusty. My grandma-in-law couldn’t help much but only watch as she’s weak & a little handicapped. Whereas for my MIL, she’s always pre-occupied with things. Handling my grandma-in-law who sometimes can be unreasonable, manning the house, taking care of her first grandchild, at times need to help with matters outside. I feel lonely and helpless all the time, i thought i could get some help living my in-laws but it’s as good as being alone. Perhaps i could’ve done things better if i were to have my own house. I can leave him outside the toilet while i shower with the door open. But i can’t do that, can I? I can leave the playmat and leave him there at my own convenience instead of having to keep it all the time as respect that im staying at someone else’s house so I can’t do as I please. One time my son was sleeping so i left him on my bed while i eat. Usually he would cry when he wakes up and sees no one. Then my MIL tell to not leave him there anymore because he was already at the edge peeping at door despite I already fence the bed with pillows. Then what am i supposed to do? She wasn’t at home earlier on, i can’t put him to sleep in the living room because my GIL is always watching tv. My baby is a FOMO baby so he will tend to fight sleep when he hears things going on.I can’t send him to my mother because she’s also taking care of her first grandchild who is just 5 weeks older than my baby. My son and his cousins are basically at the age where they can’t leave from our sight. And it sucks because the main reason why I’m not working bc there’s no one to take care of my son. I wanted to send him to infant care but there’s no available slots for months! While the parents of my nephews didn’t want to send their child to infant care. One of them actually got a slot but his parents didn’t want to send him because he kept crying. I understand that as parents I don’t want to put my child under so much stress either. But what’s the point then? Sucks being the second grandchild to both sides of the family because the first already “chope” their grandparents to take care of them. Until when do i have to hold back and not work? I need to work to get subsidies sending him to infant care, I need to work so i can get my cpf going again to get a house but but who’s going to take care of with for that few months?And it’s so hard to find time to do some self-care, let alone self-maintenance. My baby oftens wake up crying when i shower and my MIL would help take him. I would rush myself, not being able to put deodorant or lotion on. I only managed to put on moisturiser, unable to put something else to treat my troubled skin because i felt bad that 99% of the time my MIL had to drop whatever she had to do to carry my baby until I’m done. Even when my husband gets home from work it’s tough because he always makes time to have his soccer session and I barely have the time to do some self-maintenance like waxing etc. Yes I did sometimes say to him “ya la you alone can have the time. Not me” and he will just be playful with me. But so far he didn’t initiate a “come i take care of him, you do your things”. I had to ask. Yes I do I get some time off from my baby but what’s the point if i have to ask all the time? Sometimes i would cry alone because i feel so alone and stuck. What would you guys do if you were in my shoes? What should the changes be made so my baby is safe while I took a shower/eat?#advicepls #firsttimemom #Curious #RantNgFTM

Anonymous · Answer

I was living with my in laws till baby turned 1. My PIL has to work so most of the time it’s just me. You have to work around baby’s schedule. So for showering, I will shower when my husband is back from work and done with his shower (in this case I am not asking for his help, the baby is HIS responsibility too and I deserve a proper shower time to myself.) For urgent pee and poo in the day time, I will just bring baby along in the carrier. Sacrifices are bound to be done, but it should be both parties, not only the mom. It does not mean you bring back the money, you can ignore everything at home. Firstly, get your husband to be a team player. For playpen, if it’s not blocking anyone’s way, leave it there. Buy those corner covers for sharp edges (eventually when baby knows how to walk you still have to cover). For vases, get your husband to speak to his family about the dangers if the vase were to fall on baby or on the ground. And yes, once baby starts crawling, long big adult pillows cannot stop them anymore. They are literally the fastest jailbreakers. What I do is I get two pet stairs, put side by side (I have dogs). My baby knows how to turn herself and go down the stairs then crawl away which helped in preventing her from flying down to ground. My lo is 2 now and I’m still waiting for slots 😪.