How to start trusting after cheating

I am a mother of 2 young kids (both less than 2yr old). My husband cheated. Initially, i thought it were massages with special services only. Cried talking to him, he denied and said that i overthink, it was normal massages and if I m concerned, he shall not go anymore. However, within 1 week after our talk, I found that he still continue to search online for such services and lied about his whereabout. Recently, found out through his phone messages that he has been engaging prostitutes. I sat down to talk to him, he denied too, saying that he search/enquire for fun, its just enquiry, he never go.. but i saw everything including messages like location to meet, he has reached and the after review etc..when I told him what I have seen in phone, he tried to deny it but did not dare to show me the phone when i asked for it, and said that if i don't like, he shall not 'enquire' again, he said he still know his priority is still the family. I didn't want to keep arguing with him to get him admit as it feel it will go nowhere. To me, if he is willing to stop, I will let it go and move on. I know I am silly, but i also tell him that if for some reasons he just can't stop the desire to go, he should just be honest to me, i am prepared to consider some arrangment ie. Let him to go occasionally but he should try to limit the times, no emotional attachments and must practice safety measures to protect me & child. He said that he don't need such arrangement, he will just stop. Throughout the talk with him, he has never apologise to me, just deny and say he won't go or enquire again, his priority is still the family and that we should move on. It has been few days since the talk, now whenever he is using the phone, I got very worried, wonder if he still arranging to go. He has even changed the phone password as he knew i found out by checking his phone. How does couple gain back each other trusts after cheating? Should I be concerned that he changed his phone password? I also starting to doubt myself and whether he really still love me..or am I just someone to take care of his kids now.

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It is very heartbreaking to read this... Last year, prior to getting pregnant this year, I also caught my husband cheating on me (although there is no proof that he physically cheated and he also denies having sex with third party, but I caught them going out for a couple of months). I spoke to many friends who went through cheating, with & without divorce and thought about it thoroughly. Decided to forgive him because he showed remorse and really show me action that he's changing. Fast forward to 1year after i caught him, i still often have fears and doubts too, but can tell he is trying his best to be transparent and letting me track him (face time anytime) and give me all his passwords. One important thing i did was to make sure his salary goes to our joint account so I can track where his money goes (of cos if he pays anything by cash, i cant do anything). This salary arrangement was made after i caught him, and it's one of the criteria i asked him to promise if he wants to stay together. In your case, it is quite clear he has physically cheated. I can understand why you are thinking of forgiving him, must be due to the kids. Most comments will tell you to divorce, in fact, I think I will tell u the same if you are my friend, simply because your husband does not seem remorseful, nor is he committed to reassure you, or try to remove your fears and doubts about him (no apology, no change in action, and even change his password to hide from u further). If he at least did the above changes, still can give a chance, but clearly, he's not working on the marriage. Maybe he assumes u will definitely forgive him for the kids? You may need to give an ultimatum. I will suggest that you make preparations for the separation as it seems too difficult to trust him again, as it is not easy to just leave like that with the two kids, and especially if you don't have income enough to support the two of them and yourself. A few things you can do: 1. try to gather as much evidence as you can, always cover your own backside: e.g. i took photos of all his chatlog with the 3rd party, and conversations he and his friend had, who as mutual friend with third party. Whatsapp chatlog i emailed to myself and went to his email to delete the "sent". However, if u dont have his PW now, it is quite hard to do. If I were you, I will engage a PI to do this if got budget. 2. find a new job that can support the two kids and yourself as much as possible. when fighting for custody, i believe this will come in handy. 3. speak to a divorce lawyer on what are the steps you need to do, documents you need to prepare, etc. #1 the evidence is so that you can ask for more monthly alimony. however SG law - no clear photo/video evidence of him "in the act" means no evidence of commiting adultery. this is the hardest to get. be strong and be brave. jiayou!!!

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Home Random Talk i mother 2 young kids both less than 2yr old husband cheated initially