too young or at the right age

I have a friend who has just given birth less than a month. She has always been very conscious with everything surrounding her. From her being first time pregnant till giving birth. She hears no one but except to experiement or research on almost everything. Recently when i visited her and her less than a month baby, i came to realize that there are many things which normal post pregnancy mum does which she dont practise because based on her research. But when concern me most is when she told us that she is teaching her baby to self soothe and will try her best no to co-sleep with the baby. it came to a shock because at such a young age, less than a month old, the baby was make to train to self soothe. We find it shocking as we too have a child. We understand her plight of having to care for the baby alone while her husband works. but to self soothe such a young infants, we fear she is facing a post natal blues. We have too read online that we can self soothe baby but at a recommended age of 4-6 months..We, as friends who are also mother, felt that all her baby needs now is just that warmth of a mom before he felt asleep, some fresh air, as she confine the baby in the room only, probably some playing moment. She wouldnt let anyone carry her baby when he is crying and will often try her best to "train" him to sleep even though he seems wide awake and just need a little conversation moment. does anyone practice self soothing your child as early as newborn? is my friend showing sign of post natal blues? i need advise and assurance that she is fine and she is not harming herself and baby.

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Super Mum

I started training my baby to self soothe at about 2 months.. not cry-it-out to sleep, but I have her about 2 minutes before I went to get her. She did gradually learn that it’s not scary being alone for just a short while and started to wake up without crying, and look at her surroundings for a while before calling for me. This helped later on when I was doing sleep training at about 4.5 months. For a baby less than 1 month old, I feel it’s a bit too early. Baby just came out of the womb and is really scared, needing comfort. Perhaps you can ask her nicely where she got the info from, saying that you’d like to learn more about this piece of advice. To be honest, a lot of the things you read here are also our individual opinions. Each parent has a different threshold and style, so you’ll see pretty contrasting opinions. Even my husband and I have very different styles of sleep training. Perhaps if she’s willing, the more objective way would be to get an opinion from an expert, eg. A doctor or a parentcraft trainer. Hopefully she’ll be willing to hear what they have to say...

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If the self-soothing part is the only notable concern that you had for your friend, I don't think that constitutes post-natal blues. I'm guessing that she is probably a first-time mom who relied heavily on what she has researched on the internet. This is quite typical for those who doesn't have an elder person to co-care of the baby. She probably just need more time to realize that not everything that she had read on the internet could be applied to her baby. As her friend, I think you can tell her nicely that it may be too soon to train the baby to self-soothe at 1mo but do not forced her to accept your comment and do what you recommend. It might backfire, just like we don't teach other parents how to discipline their kids. I think so long as she is not talking strangely to the extent that she is so stressed out or harming the baby, she should not be having post-natal blues I guess...

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Self soothing at less than a month sounds far too young! I am personally not a fan of self soothing. Especially below 6 months as the risk of sids are so high. If a baby has been trained to be quiet and to not call for their parents to meet their emotional needs it isn’t too far-fetched to be worried that at some point something might happen and the baby may not call out when they have an urgent need.. A baby’s brain is not sophisticated enough to know that sometimes the parents come and sometimes they don’t – depending on what’s wrong. Read and also show her this amazing article which covers it in detail

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I don’t know anything about self soothing but i think maternal instincts will kick u to do something most of the time. If you’re worried about post natal blues, I think u should get her some professional help. Making an appt with imh may be hard but it’s easier to go CHAT to talk to the workers there. If they see a risk of depression, they can make referral for your friend to IMH where she can get diagnosed and get the help she needs

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Kids are developing very rapidly from 0-3. Infact from birth to 3 years a child's brain and cognitive ability grows by 80%. Young children do not have the ability to self soothe. It is is very damaging to them. In this case I would highly suggest intervening and trying to educate your Friend about this. Best of luck.

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I think it's just her own way of doings she want it her way. doubt she is having any depression. but the suffering one will be her baby. baby cries we need to attend asap to stop them from crying cos it will cos colic. maybe you're friend will only be able to learn the right way when something happen.

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for newborn I think it's still crucial to carry and soothe them. helps with mother child bonding. I tried to ignore my baby cries but realise she cannot stop/fall back to sleep at all, only makes her more cranky...

She doesn’t sound like having post natal blues but just having a stubborn character. U can’t do anything but just pray her child turns out fine. Poor baby!