Sister in law has no kids and keeps giving me unsolicited parenting advice.Am I wrong with snapping?
I have a 9 month old baby girl and my sister in law is a medical student. She doesn't comment much but sometimes she points out things about my baby's development that hurt my feelings. Like she will say "she's coming to the age where she can start crawling soon!" And it makes me feel guilty that my daughter isn't crawling or hitting milestones. Today, I shared a video of my baby on a walker and she said it was cute and then shared that she learned while on her pediatrics rotation that the pediatricians didn't recommend walkers and sent me a link that said walkers slow baby milestones. I ended up getting frustrated and told her to leave the parenting to me and mind her own business and if I had any questions, I'd ask her. My husband said that was rude of me. Am I wrong?
As a childless SIL (pregnant now tho) and a healthcare worker specialising in young children, I’ve refrained from giving any advices to my SILs EVEN when I know some things they do will affect their child’s growth in possibly a negative way. I knew about baby walkers not being recommended but when my SIL got it for her child, I kept quiet about it out of respect and taking into consideration that it’s something she was so excited about for her child. Coincidentally, an article came out about it which my SIL read. She chose to continue with the walker anyways. I had no issue - she’s practicing her right to choose for her child. But She also chose to not put her child in a proper car seat - which almost broke my resolve to mind my own business because I’ve seen firsthand how kids get injured in car accidents without proper car seat. I remember having intrusive thoughts about my precious niece getting into accidents! Talked to my husband about how worried I am but he told me it’s pointless to talk to his sister and told me let it be. Which I did. Mind you, I don’t think how I do things is necessarily the right thing. It’ll literally break me if something happens to my niece just because I choose to keep quiet out of respect for my SIL. Thankfully she’s all grown up now and she’s ok. I realise that hierarchy plays a part too - I can imagine my younger SIL being ok with my advises (she naturally looks up to me) but not my older SIL (maybe she looks down at me? I dunno!) I hope you will understand at your end that your SIL is exposed to worse case scenarios that happens to children in her profession and it’ll be such a struggle for her to keep important information to herself. However I understand you’ve your boundaries and this needs to be respected. I hope that should she feel the need to advise you again and it is obviously for something more serious than baby walker, you keep an open mind about it and question yourself if you are actually doing the best for your child by turning down (free!) information that you could easily decline to practice should you choose to do so. If you do decline, it’s A-ok! It’s a problem if your SIL don’t accept your decision though and I think this is when you can use your firm stance on her.Read more
Depends on how you see it. For me, the above that you mentioned sounds quite acceptable to me since she’s just giving advices and not forcing me to do it her way. To counter the first part you can maybe let her know that all kids are different, some might skip crawling and go straight to standing and walking while some just wants to crawl and not stand. Same goes for teeth. Don’t need to feel guilty towards your kid, they will eventually hit it. Also, it really is different with or without a kid. Before I have my own kid, I would probably just advise you based on the internet but now that I have my own kid, I’ll only give you advises based on what my kid went thru instead of what is online. Walkers are not recommended for babies if you Google online but go for it if you want. It’s your kid, your say. Most of the older kids including ourselves most probably grew up in walkers too I guess? However if you still feel very offended, then just tell her “it’s coming to the age where you should get married or have a kid.” Guaranteed no more future comments.Read more
I read a few times and consider a few angles before coming to the conclusion that you are over-reacting. 1) U did say that your SIL doesn't comment much but when she does (which is sometimes only), you feel hurt by it. - Why should you take into offence with her comments which only happens sometimes? I really think you shouldn't be too affected by them unless if it happens every time... If every time, then different story la. 2) U mentioned that her comments 'makes you feel guilty' that your girl isn't hitting milestones. - There's no need to stress urself and feel guilty if ur girl haven't reach milestones. Always rmbr that every child is different and that milestones are just guidelines for us to refer to. 3) She's just sharing with you what she has learned. Nothing wrong in just listening to her sharing. She's not forcing you to listen to her mah... U listen and if u don't wanna take it up, decline quietly. Easier now?Read more
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Don’t worry Mummy, I will also do e same if my SIL trying to put in “unnecessary comments/remarks” telling me what milestones to hit or what not to use.. (sending link to you is to over at least I feel so) I might even be more sarcastic than what you hv said to her.. Your child your rules, but please share with your hubby your feelings unless he might only be thinking you’re rude to his sister only.. Be strong and stand firm Mummy! 😊💪🏻Read more
your sister in law is just sharing what she learnt as a medical student. Don't be stressed when your child isn't hitting milestones, each child is different :). And yes walkers are not recommended but you do you mama. :) She's OK compared to my MIL who always compares my LO to another baby of her friend.Read more
Be open to accepting her harmless sharing! She’s a medical student at least you know some or most of her comments are not groundless and could be useful for you to take note! It’s like almost a free “doctor’s advice” :) of course you do you! But take her comments as extra info to take note!
Don't worry about it, your SIL is just stating the facts that is in her textbook. Still babies growth and development varies. As long as she doesn't enforce any actions on you, just treat it as a passing remark if it differs from your view
You are both right and wrong. Try to give each other the benefit of the doubt. She should be more careful giving you unsolicited advice. While you try to give your sister in law the benefit of the doubt that she means well
Hi, I think that its ok for her to share all these with you, although I hoped she did so privately and tactfully. If you feel hurt by her comments, just let her know about how you feel.