I need someone to talk to...

I gave birth 3 weeks ago, mom paid for all the hospital bills and been taking care of all the baby needs since i cannot go to work yet. Me and my husband rents a house prior to having a baby so it is a major adjustment for everyone now that I am living with my parents again. Now, from what I have heard from our household, my mom talks about how much she spent for my childbirth and its too expensive and all the blah blah blahs. This happened after my husband and I 'borrowed' our child from my mom for a week for the baby to get acquainted to our rented house. Me and my husband are having a tough time financially before our child was born. And I immediately asked for help from my mom but we are to pay her as soon as i get my maternity benefits. I find it very depressing that she has money issues on me and her grandchild and she wont talk to me about it directly. We thought the she cares and loves us that is why she took us in knowing that my husband and I will have a hard time juggling work and taking care of the baby but what she says tells otherwise. I want to work again and pay her as soon as I can to pay her, I never thought money would be an issue for her since she can spend a lot on other things without feeling bad about it. I feel so uncapable and worthless right now, a bit surprised too as to why she can say things like that behind my back. Maybe because me and my partner isnt earning enough? We all have our tough times and to think, she is the last person on my mind that will make me feel bad about the situation. She has been wanting a grand child years ago and then this is what happens when she has one.

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I've been in almost the same situation, In my whole pregnancy journey I lived with my Husbands parents, they were very helpful even before I got pregnant, but when I gave birth I chose to stay at my Parents place since I don't want to be a burden knowing it's my first time having a baby, (and I also know my only-child-Husband grew up with his grandmother and his parents doesn't know how to take care of newborn child, I also noticed it on my 4days staying with them after childbirth, that they believe more on superstitious beliefs and I needed a company that knows really well on taking care of my newborn) my mother-in-law suddenly talked about me being rude and all that "I didn't directly told her I'm going home and that I want to rest at my parents home" and I was so shocked what else she said. After Christmas my Husband and I decided we'd spend new year with them, after new year we needed to go back to my parents because my Dad's going to US and he wants to see my child before his flight so I sat down beside her and explained thoroughly every little details why I needed to go home. But after we got there my MIL messaged my Husband again saying random hurting words again, saying I don't have good manners and with the same issue saying I'm rude as I didn't say "We're going now" before I went inside the taxi, I was very tired that day since they didn't let me sleep and I had only 3 hrs sleep at night, (they are early birds so when they're awake you should also be awake, since you will hear the nagging about being lazy early morning) I was sleepy then so I didn't know I didn't get to say that. I was very sad and I told my Husband she'll gonna be the reason for my postpartum depression, she's selfish and has no considerations, so I decided not to go back there. I still don't talk to my MIL I'm really hurt until now, even when they want to be with my child I can't go back and I don't wanna go back, better we don't see each other so we won't have any issues or we won't have any more issues. But despite that, I'm grateful that I have my very understanding Husband, he comforts me, provide all of our needs and love us unconditionally, and We're so lucky to have him ๐Ÿ’Ÿ

Magbasa pa

the first thing nalaman nyo na buntis ka sis dapat doon pa lang nagprepare na kau. dalawa namn kau ni husband mo my work so possibleng wala kau naipon kaht papaanu and kaya nagrrant c mommy mo ng ganyan cguro kc simula nanganak ka nakaasa pa din kau sadly rin tlaga magkaroon ng ganyang parents nkakadisappoint kaso pag sobra na din d natin cla masisi. ako nabuntis wala din sa plan never ko inexpect na nabuntis ako ndi ako prepared, i was enjoying mg life travel dito travel doon kaya wala ako naiipon sa sahod kaya nung nalaman ko buntis ako at ayaw panagutan nwala lahat ng habbit ko natuto ako magipon d ko inasa sa parents ko kht singkong duling wala cla nilabas ngaun nsa bahay ako nagppahinga since kakapanganak ko pa lang gumgwa ako ng paraan para kaht nkleave ako sa work nakakapgbigay pa din ako sa kanila mkabayad man lang ako sa tulong nila magalaga sa baby ko. pag umiiyak c baby anjan c mama ggcing sa madaling araw sya magppuyat para kay baby. kaya sis madmi paraan para kaht ppanu mkabyad kau kay mama mo may work nmn c hubby mo bigay bigay din ng paonti onti :)

Magbasa pa

I feel that this is the moment that both of you needs to talk by heart. But before doing so, talk to God muna. Pray. Ask for guidance and wisdom amidst this difficulty. Wag ka mag-rely sa sabi-sabi. She is your mom and though she may have said things you still cant change it. Tell her what you feel and how you feel abt your present situation. I get you, my parents are always behind my back to support me and my husband. From the wedding day, to finding a house near my parents' and to paying some of the bills because were still starting our family. I felt we were closer than before because of my baby (I am 13 weeks and 6 days atm). Wag mo i-keep to yourself lahat especially you just gave birth. Nevermind the rest who says they did this and that. We are all in different situations at mas pinapahirap pa to ng global pandemic. Cry if you must pero at the end of the day make a plan to make amends sa kanya. Life is super short, we are one of the lucky people who have parents that support us. Kaya mo yan! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป

Magbasa pa
VIP Member

Para sakin momsh, di ko masisisi mommy mo kung magkgnyan man sya. Kasi bilang may family kna on ur own, you should learn and know your responsiblities not unlike nung dalaga ka pa. As much as possible nkakahya naman na tlgang dumaing at lumapit sa magulang kung may asawa na kasi nsa isip ng magulang sympre, nagasawa ka, dapat kaya kang buhayin ng asawa mong lalaki. Don't get me wrong pero sana makuha mo ang point ko. Ska wala namang masama kung ibalik mo yung ngastos ng parents mo kasi primarily, sa panganganak, dapat naman talaga both husband and wife ang mkpgprovide, hindi magulang. Kasi for me nkakahiya yun. Kung magsabi nmn sila na "its ok, wag nyo nalang intndhin yun" then ok nga yun db..(sana all, sabi nga nila) pero kung gnyan na pinparamdam talaga na kelangan nyong ibalik, then you need to do that first thing and foremost, para wala na ding maging issue. Jan kasi mgsisimula yung pwedeng may masabi sa asawa mo, sympre sya ang lalaki. Tndaan natin, iba ang dalaga sa may-asawa. I hope na mlmpasan nyo din yan ng hubby mo.

Magbasa pa

Yung parents feeling nila bragging rights kapag sila nagbabayad. Di nila pansin na minsan foul rin kasi bad image satin. Napansin ko rin yan sa Parents ko, kaya I swore na I'll pay for ours, if not majority samin and konti sa kanila kasi bumababa tingin nila samin. Hindi man sinasadya yung mga sinasabi nila pag nakatalikod minsan pati nakaharap... Negative pa rin ang effect sa ming magasawa kaya di na namin hinahalo sila. Let it go. Alam ko nagtatampo ka sa mama mo pero kaya niya lang nasabi yon kasi in a way, natutuwa rin yon na nasa life mo pa siya, sadly iba lang talaga yung way nag pagsasalita niya.. At ang parents lalo na pag naging grand parents, mas mag offer financially yan Lalo na pag close kayo talaga may ipon ka man o wala o mayaman. Ingat lang sa pag accept ng financial kasi desisyon niyo dapat mag asawa yan. May masasabi pa rin yan tungkol sa asawa.

Magbasa pa

natural lang siguro sa mom mo ang magsabi ng ganun although hindi naman direct mo marinig yun kase sinabi lang sayo pwedeng dagdag bawas din kung anong sinabi ng mom mo kaya intindihin mo nalang, may reason naman sya bakit nya sinabi yun kase dapat obligasyon niyong dalawa ng asawa mo ang gastusin ng baby mo, sa hospital bills at gamit ni baby,.. yung asawa ko hindi malaki ang kita nya, ako din naman pero pinaghandaan namin ang panganganak ko emergency cs pa ako, gumawa kami ng paraan hindi namin inasa sa magulang ang responsibilidad since kami naman ang gumawa ng bata at hindi ang magulang ko,.. kahit gamit ng anak ko sariling sikap, yung iba bigay lang ng barkada ng asawa ko hindi lahat bago.. yung father ko minsan nag volunteer sya bumili ng gatas at diaper.. ok lang sis kung paminsan minsan tumulong din mom mo wag naman lahat inasa nyo sa kaniya sobra naman..

Magbasa pa
2y ago

Tumpak

Sis, bakit kasi kayo umaasa sa magulang mo? Nakakagigil po. Student lang po ako sis, 22 ako 21 partner ko. Pero alsm mo, as soon as mabuntis ako, nagrent na po kami. 5 months ako now, yung ipon namin? 50k na po. Ang goal is 200k before my EDD. Plus, I have 70k sa SSS kasi po maximum contribution ako and working student po ako. Never ako umasa sa iba. Tbh po, di pa alam ng family ko ๐Ÿ˜Š lahat po ng gamit namin sa rinerent namin, inonti onti po namin. Makakabili na nga kami ng gamit ng baby soon. And sa mall kami bibili also panganagnak budget ko is 100k po provate OB. Nakakahiya ka po mamsh... Wag ka na umasa sa parents mo. Biglaan pagkabuntis ko ah. Student po ako ah. Isipin mo po kami ng partner ko kinaya naman namin na itago hangganh ngayon. Lahat po ng gastod nang gagaling lng po samin...

Magbasa pa
2y ago

Onligasyon ng tatay ang tuition. Ang daming bitter dito. Buti siya di nakaasa sa parents sa panganganak and baby. Sabi nga ng ibang nanay dito sa comment, 9 mos pagbubuntis tapos di man lang sila naka prepare. Ang point lang nung nag comment na ito, madami paraan para mag save. Ako rin po 25 nabuntis, walang ipon pero nagawan namin ng paraan. Di sa oagmamayabang pero naka 180k kami s aipon. Nahbebenta lang ako ng mga damit online.. umutang pako sa kapatid ko para sa business. Public ako nangnak kaya sibra sobra. Kaya gets k sinasa i nung nagcomment.

The moment I learned I was pregnant, we started saving for my delivery because I don't want to ask for help from my mother. Dun din ako nagstay 1 month after manganak. Siya din nagsuggest kasi para daw makapagpahinga ako at makakain ng masusustansiya. Pero never ako humingi sa kanya ng pera. Kaya sabi ko sa husband ko, magipon kami for CS, pasiguro lang. Pero thankfully nainormal ko kaya yung natira, pinambili naman additional gamit ni baby. My point is, hindi ka naman agad agad manganganak, bakit di kayo nakapagipon kahit 50% ng gagastusin? Pareho naman kayo may trabaho. Bakit lahat shoulder ni mama mo? Kung ako kay mama mo, makakarinig din kayo sakin kasi. Wag feeling entitled.

Magbasa pa

Hi, mahirap talaga ang mag ka utang na loob kahit sa kapamilya mo pa mismo. Im 9 montgs pregnant now and planning na manganak sa public kase mura lang or almost walang babayaran. Student palang kase si hubby. Ako naman nag homebased ako for 3 months. Para may pang anak at bili ng gamit. Thou may kaya ang sister ko at family ng hubby ko. Pero ayaw ko pa din mag depend sakanila kase pareho kame ni hubby na ayaw na baka may masabi sila pag dating ng araw ganun. After mo mag recover mommy try home-based job. Para matulungan mo si hubby na mabayaran yung mga utang niyo. Mahirap kapag nasira ang reationship niyo ni madear dahil lang sa pera.

Magbasa pa
2y ago

Basta may laptop or pc ka mommy na magagamit madaming work online.

Gaano po ba kahirap mag ipon kung nakikitira ka lang naman po sa nanay mo? Sorry ah pero 9 months ang pagbubuntis, wala man lang kayo naipon? Lahat po may pinag dadaanan na pagsubok pero hindi iyun excuse. Magulang na kayo eh. Ano yan, ganyan na lang habang buhay? Paano niyo paaaralin yan? Ako sis, 24 ako nabuntis. Wla kami ipon pero di kami umasa sa magulang namin. Proud ako samin ng asawa ko kasi sobrang pinaghandaan po namin yan. Ngayon po nasa 5 yrs old na baby ko... Handa na kami sa future niya at may educational plan na agad siya. Para kahit ano mangyari, may funds siya

Magbasa pa
2y ago

We commend you for keeping up and being able to do something that most of us are not capable of pero this is not the best time to brag and put down another person dahil lang madami siyang hindi nagawa kagaya mo.. I feel we can all be nice and kind.