Have you tried taking away your son's privileges whenever he does not listen or when he starts tp act up? For example, depriving him of his favourite dessert, taking away his tv or iPad time... I find this method fair, not physical yet effective. Unfortunately, kids are tethered to material things and depriving them of such privileges makes an apt punishment, in my opinion.
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To me, u may wish to use both the hard and soft approach. Some kids need the rod no matter wat. However, give yrself some limit.