60 Replies
Talk to your wife with respect. I have grew up with a full time mom at home. She sacrificed a lot by giving up her career to be a stay at home mom. As years gone by, ur wife had probably lost confidence in herself to go back to work or maybe being a mom is what she is good at, and it is probably the proudest moment of her life. Either way, u need to talk to her with respect without diminishing her self esteem in any way. Being a sole bread winner doesn’t mean you get to decide her life for her. Being a stay at home mom, is not easy, no matter how old your kids are. Before you judge your wife with the help that she needs, do you help out with chores? With the part time maid who only comes in 2 times a week, means, your wife probably only gets help for sweeping, mopping the floor, wiping the windows and wiping the fans. What about the dishes, cooking, teaching ur kids their homework, laundry and etc? It’s not easy to keep a house in order. On the other hand, if your wife does go back to work, is there anyone that ur family can trust to take care of your 7 and 9 year old? It’s one of the crucial age where they are going into teenager Year soon. There’s so many scenarios that you have to think of, and it’s not just about money. I have turned out amazing thanks to my stay at home mom. So I am very thankful and have great respect to all the moms who chose this path willingly. Just talk to your wife with sincerity, discuss, talk about ur problem and in turn listen to her point of views.
Hey daddy, I'm sorry that you're feeling frustrated - but I'd just like to add some input as a mum (if you don't mind!). You may have a part-time helper that comes in regularly, but I'm pretty sure that it doesn't resolve all the household chores at home. Cooking for the family, cleaning up the house, looking after the kids' homework, grocery shopping, maintaining the house cleanliness and toiletries, picking up the kids etc - the list goes on and on! What I'm trying to say is, there might be more things your wife is looking after at home than just "taking care of the kids" - especially when your 7-year-old is probably just entering primary 1 and 9-year-old is transitioning to upper primary soon :) Another reason for her persistence could be because she's been out of the workforce for a long time, it's not easy taking the first steps out after having kids - most workplaces aren't very open to hiring women with kids (or even intending to have kids) because of issues like childcare leave and family emergencies. If you're worried about family finances, I'd say the best thing you can do is to sit down calmly and talk things over with your wife - find out what's troubling her over work issues and see if there's anything you can do to work out your finances and family budgeting together :) If need be, you can also look into ways your wife can earn income at home - there's so many places and ways to earn income from home now, it doesn't necessarily have to be an office job!
TO ALL THE LADIES ASSISTING THIS FATHER WITH A MOTHERS POINT OF VIEW. Please allow the man to ask fellow fathers for advice as the ‘daddy section’ was intended. If you scroll down and take a count, this feed is littered with biased mothers opinions heavily outweighing the intended parent on a matter in which is not theirs to comment on to begin with. Please put this into perspective; if the genders were reversed and a mother was seeking advice from fellow mothers about her issues at home (in the mothers section), the last thing you would want is to see the majority of the thread to be littered with biased men’s perspectives about their point of view on matters that weren’t for them to comment on to begin with. Let’s all show some respect please. And for the record; this in no way is intended to disrupt the relations between male and female, mother and father, but simply to point out the obvious fact that this is a fathers section where fathers get to hang out as it states in the title description of the fathers section. Peace and love. Bye now
what do you mean by spending you hard earn money... does she buy luxury every mnth. does she always eat out. or buy uneccessary items for herself? can u elaborate more on spending your hard earn money.. is she wants to stay home and take care of the kids .. by all means... its always better to have mummys supervision on kids studies.. homework etc etc... tye curriculum nowadays are not like out time... and since shes at home. u can cut down on the part time maid... maybe u also should helpout with the household chores. its daddys duties too u know.... how long have u been the only sole bread winner.... if its tat long.... i mean hey... hats off to your wife too, to actually survive THAT long too... it not an easy task for us too... and if u want her to earn her own money.... as in go out and get a job... plus minus the income wont be as much also.. cos u hv to also think for her travel, food,expenses etc etc... or another way is to llet her do something homebase whilst taking care of kids. win win
What kind of mentality is this as a Husband- "sitting at home and spending all my hard earned money"?? Your part time maid only comes twice a week. How about the other 5 days a week? Who cleans? Who washes e clothes? Even if ur Wife don't do household work, I'm sure she watches the kids when they are home from school. At age 9 and 7, I assume they are in primary school. There's quite a lot of homework to monitor and isn't it better your Wife is at home to monitor and Ensure they don't run into bad company? If you are really stressed up about finances then u need to have a discussion with ur Wife about ur concerns and also her concerns. But seriously your mentality that she is just sitting at home wasting your money will be very very hurtful to her.
Yes, like everyone say, you should have a talk with her, it's hard for her to go to work suddenly after being a SAHM for 9 years or more. ( i assume she start being SAHM since she is pregnant, not sure she have been SAHM for how long). 10 years away from working society, suddenly want her to work after she have enjoy for so long and thinking you are doing well of course, she may feel it's ok to continue staying home. My husband did communicate with me, and we have an agreement, that once baby settle, i will be back to work, to lighten my hubby burden, and i can get to spend less restricted. You may get a 3rd party like your mum to tell her. Cut down her allowance (limit her anyhow spend. Get her to start part time 1st than slowly adjust to full time. (Give her a bit of time to adapt to working life)
I feel for you. I am a stay at home mom and wife with a son. Both me and my hubby talked about this and came to this arrangement. I always wanted to work as I want to feel connected to the outside world but our son is the priority that's why I agreed to it. Frankly, I think that both of you do not have enough communication and you as a husband who jump to the conclusion that your wife refuse to work. But what I see here is actually it is only different priority from both of you. I will be very sad if I know my hubby made this kind of comment towards me without understanding the reason. It serves no purpose to be together as a couple in this way since communication highway did not take place.
i can understand the financials are getting to you. but it is also possible that she wants to stay home to care for the kids, even though they are 7 and 9 and can take basic care of themselves. you have a part time maid but who will care for the kids when you both go to work? you will then have to pay for a full time nanny or daycare, which also costs a lot. if possible, ask her if she can help out from home by taking up a work from home option for now. or maybe a part-time job that lets her come home by the time the kids are back. this can give her the confidence to earn, without suddenly going back into the workforce after being a stay at home mom.
Your kids are still in primary school. They end pretty early actually. I'm sure she worries about who will fetch them, who will greet them at home after school, who cooks their lunch and dinner. You may want to consider getting a full-time maid or send ypur children to student care centre. You may want to ask her to work part-time, there are some jobs that offer about 4 hours of work and she can reach home before kids is out of school. Also you need to play an active role of a father if you want to motivate her to return to work. Help her with the kid's homework, send them to school, help prepare breakfast etc.
if you are worried that she is spending your money unwisely, maybe you can speak to her nicely and help plan better. sometimes, she may not be aware that you feel this way, and if you discuss it openly with her, she will take the right steps to check where possible. also, i think the work from home option as suggested by others is also good for now. once the kids are more grown and can be left at home on their own, maybe then she can go regularly to office. till then, she can contribute to the house a little by working from home.