Feels like I’m alone and an outcast
Just wanna pour out .. I know I will have no solution for this.. My husband was nice enough to accommodate my mum after my dad’s passing in year 2022. Unfortunately, my mum was diagnosed with terminal illness few months after and she had left us early this year. I was very appreciative to my husband for the fact that he initiated to ask my mum to stay with us. Now, his mum who is of different nationality is staying with us .. on and off as she can’t stay long as a foreigner. This time round is the longest she ever stayed .. 3mths .. I feel bad that I can’t click with her .. I feel suffocated with her presence .. especially now when I am on HL to prepare for delivery of my No.2 . She has different living habits .. the way and the language she speaks is different … although she can speak mandarin, most of the time when my husband is at home .. they will be speaking in their own language. I can hear my name in their conversation but I don’t know what they are talking about and it’s weird to ask.. and I will just quietly have my meal or do my things. Sometimes I feel like I have no control over my own place. My husband told me she will be coming back about 3mths later .. I asked him how long will she be here .. and he got offended .. sensing that I don’t welcome his mum .. actually all I want is just to be mentally prepared of what I will be dealing with. Then today, my MIL told me she will want to bring along another relative to stay with us in 2 mths time and I dare not ask her how long they will be staying .. She mentioned the relative needs a break and will like to follow her to Singapore for a breather and she thought it will be a good idea as we will be busy moving at that time .. she can be a helping hand. But deep inside me, packing and arranging things is a very personally thing.. I don’t like ppl whom I’m not close with to meddle with my things .. more so at that point .. i can foresee a lot of people giving feedback on how to take care of my 3mths old No.2 . I starting to hate being at home now .. I am due for delivery at anytime but I prefer to just roam around outside .. I feel better alone .. and realised I feel better when I dun need to face anyone now .. including my husband. I don’t want my thoughts to affect my relationship. Thank god I still have my No. 1 for distraction.
