Problems with MIL

Follow your heart and instincts. Afterall it’s your baby, if the relationship is not healthy, then it’s totally fine to cut it off. It sounds like you’re on talking terms with your fil still, maybe can offer to bring fil out for a meal then let him interact with baby? (Whatever it is your mil will probably be angry anyways so why bother right?😂) Alternatively, if she’s willing to apologise (in this case I won’t go and make peace first) and make peace, no harm trying to accept her again. But be prepared that there will definitely be people who will tell you “oh it’s not fair to stop your child from interacting with their grandparents blahblah”, especially elderlies, so you have to really shut your ears for good.

If they want to see the baby and you’re ok with the FIL and forgive her then you can set boundaries like if you don’t want her to carry yet, or short period of time then get husband to say you need to rest etc and if the first time is very toxic and unpleasant then just don’t let her visit baby already. Alternatively since you say you still hate her, do what’s best for you, only unless she apologizes then can visit baby. So see what you feel like by then. After pregnancy there’ll be also post natal blues sometimes so best if you deal with her only if you feel mentally fine!

Sigh. I have been ok w my mil during my pregnancy stage till confinement after birth. back at her place for confinement and cos my place under reno. Now with NB , rls with mil not good. She will have her way of doing things. Tension max even tho she like a grandchild but is rigid in the way of doing things. Don’t try if rls not good alrdy. Expecting help also I think can forget it. Rls w her son also affected. See only supervised can try ba but if too much den forget it

Protect you and your hubby's mental health. There is a reason for not speaking to the MIL, and it's just too bad for the innocent FIL for losing out on grandpa experience. Your baby don't need to meet anyone that you don't feel comfortable with. You must have your reasons and don't let bad history prevent you from enjoying all the beautiful moments that both you and your hubby have with your baby.

Honestly, its not your fault. You’re the mother, you can decide whatever you want for baby and you dont owe anyone any explanation. If in law is toxic, cut down on meeting them. Idw her to talk bad abt me infront of my child even if the child is a baby.

thank you everyone for your replies. your replies make me realize that yes, i shouldn't be putting anyone's happiness/reasonings infront of my baby/husband. I'm glad to have a supportive husband as well. love you girls thanks so much

Just do what the heart desires. You’re the mother, your call.

🙏💕