Frustrated with current life

Question

Ever since covid hit husband has no jobs (he is freelancing) and for me I left my full time to care for my infant back then as our helper(was a transfer) who worked 5 months with us despite giving us many patterns, she is the one to request to leave. It was hard to get a helper then due to border close and transfer market is high in demand, hence I left my job. Fast forward 2 years now, husband still havent got proper job just part time delivery jobs and our finance dipped greatly till husband says need to sell house. Luckily I still have cpf to help cover both our monthly housing loans. I just dont understand y he cant make extra effort to earn money. Both of us are caregivers to our baby during these 2 years. This morning I say he is selfish and he got angry. I said this because I have been telling him to wake up in the morning to make milk for baby and also clean him up in the morning as Im always the one doing it. He always sleep till 9am or 10am. I only requested him to wake up sometimes. He said he is angry I say he is selfish. Anything wrong with what I said? He used to wake up at 4am to make milk for baby and I am able to as well...however after that there r still plenty of time to sleep in.. now baby is bigger and drinks milk later at 6am plus or 7am plus if wake up make milk after that cant sleep anymore so it is more tiring..so I am very tired..instead of hoping he could reply just OK.. he got angry at me. I wonder why did I like him in the first place? Not to mention our financial trouble now. I am looking for a full time job now and I doubt he will have proper job so he will be taking care of baby, fetching to school and back etc. Just want to rant and any marriage advice..i kept thinking of the worst. Everyone says I am lucky my husband is hands on..however it comes with a price which is our financial difficulty now.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I guess its a boost of motivation for both of u and u need to have a heart to heart talk. Maybe when u r frustrated, its easier to speak words that would hurt each other instead of resolving, which would escalate to further emotional strains. Meet him at a time u both are more rested and talk amicably. I am in the same situation whereby my hubby lost his job and is now doing food delivery and some days he is more tired than usual cos he have to go thru rain or shine, on a motorbike. I understand cos I ride too and sometimes when I get exhausted I feel like snapping but instead I find the right time, I put on my pitiful face and talk gently telling him my frustrations and also how it would be if I cant provide good care to my LO if i am affected emotionally due to exhaustion and stress on financial and stuffs. Tell him u appreciate him and remind him its just small favour on a bit of teamwork, just maybe waking up to do milk, only mornings and the rest of the day u wil handle, then help chores abt 15 to 20mins of his time, cos teamwork really makes a healthier rltnshp btw couples.But for me, after years of being together, I always tell myself whenever my husband is not able to wake up or help ard, I am still able bodied so I wil do it instead of grumble and things get doned well, and I am happier and at times, it just happen that he wil automatically be hands on again. Hope ur situation wil get better soon dear.. Strong momma. Ur LO wil be very proud of u and ur strength.

Lena Tan · Answer

Totally get what you mean.. only thing you can do is continue to encourage him to find a job. Even a grabfood rider can make a very decent living. If there is a will, there’s a way. In the mean time if you need short term financial support, please approach your nearby social service office. Let me know if you need help.