Ask the Expert: dealing with and preventing racism

Hi Chervy, indeed, we need to prepare our children to face such situations. The best way is to set a good, example ourselves. We can start by calling out and addressing racism or discrimination when we see it, and always practice kindness in our daily lives. When you see something, say something—both the good, the bad and how things can change for the better—and your kids will learn to do the same. This may mean calling out a family member or a friend who makes a racist joke or comment and no longer ignoring uncomfortable subjects at social gatherings. Children observe and learn a lot from their parents’ interactions and what isn’t said directly to them. Give them the tools to do the same when they encounter racism at school or among peers. It doesn’t have to be confrontational.

Racism in Singapore and Southeast Asia (and the world, really) still exists because many still view such topics as taboo, and tend to avoid such conversations to address and potentially overcome racism. Many also disregard or deny that these issues even exist. So how do we break the cycle? We need to start confronting it, and start making the change from our home. Change is painful but necessary, and it is worth it. We need to prepare ourselves and our children to understand the issues, what are the sensible and responsible responses to model after, and how to embrace and accept everyone else’s differences. We are all brought up differently, speak different languages, behave and react in contrasting ways, but at the end of the day, we must approach diversity of every form with much understanding and empathy. That’s how we will overcome discrimination.

Hi Emily! Schools can promote this by managing the diversity within its student intake, making sure there is a good mix of cultures and not an extreme divide between the majority and minority groups. The curriculum also plays a key role, by learning about different ethnicities and traditions through subjects like history, geography, and moral education. Schools should also encourage and offer the freedom for parents and children to choose languages and culture-related co-curricular activities (CCAs) outside of their own. And instead of specific races, it can be Cultural Dance as a CCA, where they learn Malay, Chinese and Indian dance? Schools can also continue to celebrate cultural heritage through more school events and/or projects, for everyone to experience their friends’ cultures.

Hi Sharon, you and Linda think alike  Indeed, parents play a significant role in shaping their children's views on race, which can be directed or misdirected. Research suggests that as children age, cross-race friendships become less common, so parents should look at their own social circles, because their children might be learning this from them. Engaging in meaningful, authentic relationships with people who are different from you is leading by example. With children, behaviour is learned and instilled in the mind, most impactfully from their parents.

Hi Chervy, being bullied is not ok; it’s hurtful and can impact your child for a long time. We must address this as early as possible so that our children don’t end up feeling alone, attacked or helpless. You can do these: 1. Assure your child that you are by their side, that they will be safe 2. Don’t bully the kids back. Explain that what these kids are doing is not ok at all. Talk to the teacher or head master that you trust and discuss with them the solution or action to take to help deal with that child and this bullying situation 3. Tell your child to keep their distance from this bully, but also to not be afraid and stand their ground (without being emotional) 4. Tell your child to not be afraid to inform the teacher about any future bullying, so that they don’t need to respond directly themselves through any confrontation

2. Explore the past together to better understand the present. Historical events like the end of apartheid in South Africa, the civil rights movement in the United States and other movements for equality around the world remain symbols of a traumatic past that societies are still recovering from. Understanding them together can shine a light on how far we’ve come and how much further we still have to go. These shared experiences can further help your child build trust and openness to different perspectives. 3. Never avoid race-related conversations or questions. Instead, take time to explain the differences and how we should take every opportunity to challenge racism, demonstrate kindness and stand up for every person's right to be treated with dignity and respect

Hi Linda, parents play a significant role in shaping their children's views on race, which can be directed or misdirected. Research suggests that as children age, cross-race friendships become less common, so parents should look at their own social circles, because their children might be learning this from them. Engaging in meaningful, authentic relationships with people who are different from you is leading by example. With children, behaviour is learned and instilled in the mind, most impactfully from their parents.

Hi Ellie, yes this can be quite a challenge especially if the parents too (like me) are foreigners in that country. Most importantly, we have to make our child feel secure in his or her own skin, and we do this by nurturing a strong identity that blends both the culture that they come from, while adapting to the majority culture of where we are. This starts at home, with us, and we as parents need to show how we are adapting and adopting this blended way of life, without alienating or isolating ourselves from the rest of the community around us. We also need to constantly listen to what our kids are saying, or not saying, and to make sure they don’t ever feel stuck in/out of a certain group, and to keep making them feel they have a sense of belonging and support system at home, no matter what.

Hi Anna, I couldn’t agree more than racial harmony begins at home. Besides having your own diverse group of friends that your children can be around and/or observe, you can try these few ways: 1. Try to find ways to introduce your child to diverse cultures and people from different races and ethnicities—like trying a different cuisine every weekend or watching foreign films. Such positive interactions/exposure with other racial and social groups early on help decrease prejudice and encourage more cross-group friendships. 2. Explore the past together to better understand the present. Historical events like the end of apartheid in South Africa, the civil rights movement in the United States and other movements for equality around the world remain symbols of a traumatic past that societies are still recovering from. Understanding them together can shine a light on how far we’ve come and how much further we still have to go. These shared experiences can further help your child build trust