Should I have stopped my MIL from stopping my daughter from climbing the window grill?

Background: Since the virus started, my wife, my maid and my 2 daughters (19mo and 3mo) have been staying with in-laws. My relationship with my in-laws is not very good. Not bad but just not good. Yesterday I was at my in-laws place to visit my wife and kids. In-laws house has dad, mum, sis and sis's son(4yo) Incident: My daughter was climbing the window grill, don't know why. Maybe to look at the cat downstairs. Then my MIL took a cane and started smacking her gently, asking her to come down. I did nothing but I really wanted to tell MIL to stop. Throughout the incident, I have been beside my daughter. If she were to lose strength and fall, I will be there to catch her. After incident: My wife approached me saying that I did not take care what happen to our children because I did not do anything to stop my daughter from doing something dangerous. She told me that she hate me and very tired because I'm always making her angry/worry. I did not say anything. I know she has been very tired and weary. I can see the tiredness in her eyes. I told her that I was just beside and will be there if kid were to fall. She rebutted with, "What would happen if nobody was here to take care of her?" Which I answered, "Why would she be alone on the window grill in the first place?" My wife just walked away angrily. My thoughts: When MIL started smacking my daughter's butt with the cane, I really wanted to snap at her. She couldn't even control that 4yo. What right does she have to teach my daughter anything. When my wife approached me, I thought to myself; I was there protecting my daughter, how can you say that I am not taking care of her? I don't want to stress my wife more than what I already have, by not getting along with her family. But sometimes, somethings just can't be tolerated anymore. Ranting, I just want someone to talk to regarding my feelings. I feel like everytime I want to talk to my wife, she will be too tired to listen and understand what I want to put across. Maybe I am just overly sensitive? *sigh* I'm doing my best (in my own way) to keep this marriage. I'm sure my wife is too. In-laws..... Am i right?

Alvin Lim

Father of 2 little opera singers

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Super Mum

Sounds like you're both trying your best but life can be tough with a child and it's easy to cause tension between the couple. It's understandable. Maybe try to have a heart to heart talk with your wife and tell her your honest feeling, and try to put yourself in her shoes and understand her feelings too. From reading your story, sounds like your wife didn't witness the scene but only heard about it so she doesn't know if it was safe or not and a mother's nature is to worry. I'm always over worrying and always imagine the worst possible scenario so I understand. I do agree with you that your mil is out of line and doesn't have a right to discipline your child. I would never cane my child much less let someone do it. But the most important thing is still the relationship between you and your wife, mil is not always around so you can focus on making peace with the wife first. Best of luck!

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