19 Replies
[Edited] Please seek help and support. Just know that you're not alone. I once went to see a dr at Polyclinic. I can't remember for what but the dr realised I was daydreaming most of the time when I was in the room with her. She started asking personal questions. I answered her with an unconsolable cry. When I calmed down, she asked me to call my husband in. My husband saw me with red eyes & he knew something is not good. And the dr talked to him and explained that I might have anxiety issues. Turns out true. She sent me for a counselling with a psychologist. It's been 6 yrs. I felt much more better than I was before I met her plus the medicines that was prescribed to me. But it's been about 4 yrs I'm medicine free. You should seek help. Sometimes our own spouse does not even support us because they have no idea what we're going through personally in our mind. Also my sincere advice, get your own place. Never a good idea to stay with own parents if they're toxic or PILs when you're married. I have toxic parents too. I got married, moved out after they chased both me & my hub out, crashed for 6 mths at ILs place till we got our house key (my MIL was urgh!), got our own place to call home and that was the best decision I've made!
I’m so sorry you have to go through this too.. when my first born was here I was constantly scolded for doing the wrong thing and nothing is ever correct as long as it’s not to my mum’s way of care giving. And my siblings also make comments when they don’t understand what I was going through the lack of sleep, the stress from constant crying from baby and stress of insufficient breast milk.. not to mention the lack of support from my husband.. I felt exactly the same way as you.. like a single mum for few years.. no one can save you except yourself that’s what I thought then. I just ignored whatever they have to comment and do what I think is right. To my siblings I told them they will understand once they have their own children.. to my mum I just have to be firm other times I just walk away.. if u need to get out to regain peace and sanity just do so.. bring your baby out to the nearest park or garden for a walk.. feel the sunlight, take in the fresh air and observe the nature.. just remember that nothing is permanent. These difficult times shall pass and you just need to take actions that help you breathe and relax now and then
Hi mummy, I’m sorry you had to go thru all these. My mum was like this too, calling me worse than garbage (at least garbage can recycle), asking me to die further away from home etc. Since young, she would always beat us up over trivial stuffs, making us go to school with cane marks all over. As we grew up, noney was all she cared about. In short, she was toxic. My parents are divorced and both have their own families. I was lucky because I met my husband shortly after leaving home in 2016, moved in with him after that. I have never contacted her since then, my life became peaceful. I tried having a serious talk with my mum but it’s obvious she doesn’t care about how I feel, but only how she felt. What I can advise is, you can either sit down and have a very serious talk with them on how you feel, hoping that they can understand you or move out with your spouse.. There’s nothing else you can really do. Don’t put it all on yourself, stay strong for your son mama! 💜
Please seek help. You are not alone. Try calling one of the following helplines to have a chat with someone: National Care Hotline: 1800-202-6868 (8am-12am daily, from 1 Sep 2020) Mental Well-being - Fei Yue’s Online Counselling Service - Institute of Mental Health’s Mental Health Helpline (6389-2222) - Samaritans of Singapore (1800-221-4444) - Silver Ribbon Singapore (6385-3714) Marital and parenting issues - Community Psychology Hub’s Online Counselling platform Violence or abuse - Big Love Child Protection Specialist Centre (6445-0400) - HEART @ Fei Yue Child Protection Specialist Centre (6819-9170) - PAVE Integrated Services for Individual and Family Protection (6555-0390) - Project StART (6476-1482) - TRANS SAFE Centre (6449-9088) Counselling - TOUCHline (Counselling) – 1800 377 2252 For other Helplines and mental health-related support - go.gov.sg/hotlines (BELLE, Beyond the Label helpbot) - www.msf.gov.sg/Pages/Contact-Us.aspx
You, my dear, are a worthy person! you dont show it, but inside, you really are a strong person. a great protector for your son, against your parents, against your stressfulness. you are doing great. your child neeed you soooo much to care and protect him. teach him to never be like your parents and be the best person he can be and be the most wonderful and thoughtful person. show him that love ALWAES wins. your child will see you as his greatest role model. you are sooo lucky to have a cute little man. if whatever you are doing for your parents is never good enough for them, then stop doing for those ungrateful ppl. i know they are your parents, but what parents would do that to their child. so ignore them if you cant get awae frm them. but best to get awae if you have d opportunity. but if you cant, be strong my dear warrior. you got this. no one cn EVER bring you or your son down. NO ONE! 🥰💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
hi, I saw my past when I read your post. you're not alone there. it has been four years since i resigned from work to look after my children. my parent was so angry at that time and she shouted at me every time we talked. I can still remember how monster her voice was over the phone. so I had no choice but to block her call to protect myself and my baby. however looking back all those thing now, she might sounded harsh that time but those are advices based on her experience. I have forgave her. I know my decision is right and my children need me more than anyone else.
I truly feel you should reach out to the public hotlines or any medical professionals to seek help. Do not cope it up all by yourself. Every life is precious and has it’s own worth, do not in any ways belittle yourself. Besides that, you have your precious son, a mother is stronger than what you can imagine. Even if not for yourself, think of your little one. Seek for assistance and come out stronger than you thought you may be. Praying that you can come out of this as a stronger person, and enjoy parenthood with your precious little ones. 🙏🏻
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Now that your're mother of a child its your responsiblity to take care and give your child the best life possible. Sometimes you must put urself in ur parents shoes to think why they are scolding you. We should not hv this thinking that we are always correct and parents are always wrong. They love u more than you will know. Sit down with ur parents n try sorting things out. Trust me nobody will love and care for u more than your own parents. Most importantly take care of urself n ur baby, he needs a happy and healthy mother.
Hi mummy, pls don’t feel unworthy to be living. You are the world to your son.. nobody is a better mom than you are to your son. Sorry to say, but you might wanna ignore those who said negative remarks at you. Be strong for your son, when they say something bad about you, tell yourself they can say whatever they want, I won’t let them affect me, I live for myself and my son. Hope these self talk can give you strength. Do take a walk outside if it makes you feel better :)