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Post Partum Depression

Ang hirap din pala magkimkim. I know nakikita nyo ko post ko dito. Just struggles no concrete stuff. I just hope sa mga nakakakilala sakin to not share any as this is my last hope of venting out what I've been keeping for myself since I've discovered I've been cheated on. (Or still being, I'm afraid). I usually do not open my H's phone. I'm that trusting. Then one time, I decided to open it, voila I read the texts. Mga I love you, bilin, filthy texts, usapang s--, and the girl knows my H is married. Living with us. I can't forget he even mentioned at 4 am while he said he was on an OT that "wait baby kunin ko lang baon ko" which I was unknowingly cooking for someone who I thought was just going to work. Girl replied sige, dalian mo. To note, my husband and I call each other baby too. I wept. I cried. I died that day. He said he felt free. While here at home he felt imprisoned He admitted when I asked. Blamed my shortcomings, said I was never really there and he never really saw us (pati si LO) in his future. But I clearly read in the texts "I wanna make you a mommy" to the teenager. Yes this was a teenager. 18-19 as I remember. As she even agreed that they need to regulate their "dates" since this "shit " (my discovery, per my H's words) happened. I am torn. I remember the words. I remember her sending my H a photo of her "stomach" raised shirt almost to the chest. Like a tease. I live it as a nightmare. I discovered receipts. Gas, dinner out, food, flowers, request ni girl na mag Victoria court, pabili ng milk tea, cream cheese---they even had a joke the girl did not like my husband's "unauthentic" milk cheese". To the pain I still see all those I my head. He said he may love the girl. He has never said I love you to me after I discovered the affair. They were fucking each other atleast once a week, and it became more frequent if I based it on the texts. We are heavy on debt, our car was used for this, that car was first family car. Yung mga pinabaon ko di nakakain kasi may iba na pala kinain si mister. Haha. ?Ang sakit. I feel ashamed but what can I do. I can't tell the world. That won't save us. I might delete it later on, I just really want to let it out because I already feel like dying everyday. The anxiety meds and anti-depressants don't work anymore. He admitted he had other affairs before. Said sorry. Took a while for him to come to his senses (or so I thought). We were updating. Each other. He came home on time more than ever. Then after some time, here we go again. I saw something again. Now I don't know if all his effort is just a facade. Or an effort that is true but is being defeated by the urge to cheat. Im almost sure the recent proof I saw was legit as f! Pero pagod na ako magconfront. I just wish sometimes I can disappear without worries for my kid. I don't want the pain anymore. I want justice, but it seems like it can never be served. Ayun lang. Marami naman gaya ko dito but the pain never decreases with the thought of those families ruined by infidelity. It makes me sadder that there are people willing to break families apart for God knows a temporary thing. I love him to death now means differently. It's just myself, dying for this love that he might not want after all.

10 Replies

Praying for you, Mommy. It's really a dilemma lalo na't married kayo. If I were in your shoes I think hindi ko rin alam gagawin ko, honestly. I may be brave enough para gawin yung sinasabi ng iba na kung kaya ko namang buhayin yung baby ko ng mag-isa, without his help, then go. Pero our marriage with our partners is a covenant. It's something that no one and nothing should separate not the two people anymore but "one". It's really hard esp. in this generation na kung saan okay nalang makipaghiwalay. Pero iniisip pa rin natin na ayaw natin maging part ng broken family yung baby natin kasi alam nating hindi madali. But you know what, I've known someone na nagcheat din sa kanya yung partner nya and because of their kids kaya di nya nagawang iwanan yung husband nya. But what she did, instead na gantihan or hiwalayan, she still do what a wife should do to her husband. Pinagluluto pa rin nya, inihahanda yung mga damit pag papasok, etc. Typical things that wives should do to their husbands. The only difference is that, parang may cold war. Hindi na tulad ng dati yung usapan nila. Hindi sya naging nagging wife kahit may karapatan sya. Hindi nya sinusumbatan yung partner nya. Mas takot kasi ang lalake pag silent ang babae. Mas ayaw nila yung mabunganga. But yun nga, it seems na out of obligation nalang yung mga ginagawa nya and of course for her kids. Nung narinig ko yun, dalaga pa ko. Naisip ko na, parang di ko kaya yun. Ako na yung agrabyado ako pa yung magpapakababa. But we may not know kung pano kikilos ang Lord sa buhay natin. Tulad ng sa kanila, bumalik sa kanya yung husband nya at di na ulit nagcheat. Kasi naramdaman nung husband nya yung totoong love sa kanya because of what she did. And ngayon, they are both senior citizens, it's as if, they were still madly in love with each other. It may seem degrading for us, pero what God has promised is that He gives grace to the humble, itinataas Niya yung mga nagpapakumbaba. And also, I think, what she did is not just martyrdom, kasi pure naman yung purpose ng heart nya. She acknowledged their marriage and gave importance sa family nila. I just felt and believed the real definition of love - that it is patient, kind, is not jealous, does not brag, not arrogant, not rude, not selfish, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. In short, it's unconditional. Again, it may seem degrading on your part but I believe if we keep our hearts right before the Lord, He will act on our behalf. Just allow Him to. It may not as soon as possible as we wanted but God knows what, how, and when to answer our prayers. Maniwala ka lang, Mommy. I'll include you in my prayers.

Ang sarap basahin ❀️

bagsak luha q habang bnabasa q ito..i dont know what to say...same tau ng situation pero pinagkaiba lang eh hnd kmi kasal..pkatatag ka mommy then let the pain go away..oo sobrang hirap gawin yan pero smahan mo ng dasal..sa sitwasyon q nga nkaharap pa aq habang katxt nya c girl..di nya tnatago skin..lalo pa nya pnapakita..kya gnawa q pinag aralan qng mwalan ng pkialam sa gngawa nya.at mwalan ng pkialam sknya..di lang nman kc aq ung niloloko nya pati na rin c girl at srili nya..kung dti galit na galit na aq sknya mkita q lang my katxt sya ngaun wala na aqng pkialam ..pag aralan mo rin un mommy..ituon mo nlang srili mo sa mga kids mo ..kung skaling iwan ka nya let him go then move on..mas mswerte ka mommy..mwawalan ka ng lalakeng manloloko..hyaan mo na karma sknila..di rin cla magiging msaya khit ano gawin nila..yan lagi q iniisip..bhala na Diyos sknila...oo iiyak tau ngaun .pero once na nkarecover na tau mgiging msaya rin tau..be strong mommy .dka nag iisa..marami tau..

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thu d ko naexperience and sana d ko maexperience yan momz.. ramdamq ang pain and sufferings u... ang hirap I know pero may anak ka na mas kailangan ka, focus u love u for your child... mahirap pero for now if d pa kaya makapaghiwalay then stay... magipon k muna lakas ng loob and pera para sainyo n bby... pag kaya na pagusapan if kaya pa bang ayusin.if hindi na maghiwalay nalang kyo ng landas.. mas mahirap pag nagtagal at mas masstress ka lang... una d u deserve na ganyanin.. learn to love your self more kc pag un pa nwala baka pati sarili u d u na makilala dahil sa pinaggagawa ng asawa u.....or if want u turuan ng leksyun stand for your right and hayaan na batas bahala sa knila...

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Hugs mommy πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—. Can’t think of a good advise to make cause i’ve never been in your shoes. Pero when i read your post, naramdaman ko yung bigat sa dibdib. If ako siguro.. halos masumpa ko na yung tao pag ako nakaexperience nyan. Baka binasag ko na yung phone nya at pinutulan ko na sya ng kaligayahan nya. Pero lahat yun di maganda kaya wag na wag mo gagawin. I will pray for you. Sana sa lahat lahat ng nangyayare maging brave ka for your child. If wala ng respect at di na talaga maaayos, mas mabuti na lumayo ka muna. Naniniwala ako dadating yung time may mangyayare at marerealize ni hubby ang mga mali nya. For now, sarili mo at si baby mo na muna ang isipin mo.

Grabe naman po yan. Bat di mo nalang sya iwan kung ganan den lang na nasasaktan ka. Wala syang respeto sayo. Natanong mo na ba kung gawin mo sa kanya yang ginagawa nya sayo ano mararamdaman nya. Wala syang pakialam kahit masaktan ka. Bakit ka nagsstay. Dahil po ba may anak kayo? Kung kaya mo naman na iwan sya at buhayin anak mo iwan mo na. Kung gusto mo pede monren ipa Tulfo at kasuhan lali na at may ebidensya ka. Matuto ka po lumaban. Wag mo hilingin na mwala ka kase may mga anak ka pa na naasa sayo. Sana po makaya po yan lampasan at matuto ka lumaban at gawin ang tama.

Save the evidences. You will never know, you might need them. Be wise girl. You have to fight and protect what is yours. Be a crouching tiger if needed. Remember he is not only your husband, he is also the father of your child. I hope it's only a temporary libog. That is plan A. If you did everything you need to do and still, he is hurting you, then it's time for plan B. You know what is plan B.

VIP Member

You deserve what you tolerate. Don't be selfish. Ipaglaban mo karapatan mo lalo na ng anak nyo. Be strong nalang para sa alam mo e tama at moral. Nasasaktan ka kase hinahayaan mo. Ate alam naten mahal oo andyan na, pero tinatarantado kana, hahayaan mopa. No ate, itama mopo ang H mo. Isipin mo nalang di ka papayag kase may anak kayo kasal kayo. GANERN. Kaya mopo yan.

πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ₯ΊπŸ₯Ί ramdam ko ung sobrang bigat sa dibdib.. wala akong ibang maippayo sayo mommy kundi ang magpakatatag, alam kong hindi madali pra sayo. pro alam ko na malalagpasan mo rin to', kapit lang at magtiwala.

Ang sakit mommy πŸ’”. Be strong po πŸ™ Layo po muna kaya kau para naman po sa sarili ninyo at kay baby. Wala po ako ibang masabi. Ramdam ko yng bigat at love nyo sa asawa nyo. Sana po maging ok na ulit kau πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™

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