Zemirah Elisha, Philippines

Zefs turns week 10 today. Wherever you are my little Angel I hope you have a beautiful place there in heaven. My anak, sising-sisi ako dahil mas pinakingan ko ang sabi ng walang kwentang tatay mo. Sana anak pinursue nalang kita eh. Yung ang dami ko nang plano sa buhay mo anak, yung napipictured out ko na ung mga mangyayari sayo. Pero nak? Pasensya kana ha? D alam ni mama gagawin nya that time, walang may nakakaalam ng sitwasyon ni mama kung gaano kagulo ang isip ni mama. Anak masaya ako nung nalaman kong buntis ako syempre may halo ding konting lungkot. Anak.. Nung nandito kapa sa sinapupunan ko, ang dami ko nang nararamdaman na signs. Yung palagi akong gutom kahit kakakain ko lang, yung palagi akong puyat kahit wala akong ginagawa, tulog ako ng tulog tuwing hapon, Yung merong pumipitik sa tyan ko na d ko alam kong ano pero alam ko dahil sayo yan nak. Pasensya anak dahil di ka ni mama pinaglaban. D ka ni mama pinursue.. Mahal na mahal kita anak. D ako natutulog ng maayos sa kakaisip ko sayo nak. Anak sana mapatawad mo ako, pinag pri-pray kita anak. Sana kung mabibiyayaan ako ulit ng magandang blessing ni Lord na yun ang ANAK ay MAMAHALIN KO TALAGA NG SOBRA SOBRA at IPAGLALABAN KO KAHIT KANINO. Anak ko, alam kung umiiyak ka sa langit bat namin nagawa to sayo. Anak ko, sana maging masaya nako, pero hindi anak... D ako masaya nung nawala ka. Anak patawaaaad ???? ang bigat bigat ng pakiramdam ko nak.

At some point. I regret all the things I've done . I never imagined ito pala kagulo yung desisyon ko. Akala ko kase magiging okay na ang lahat. Sorry sa inyo ha! Aalm ko namang madaming magagalit specially si Lord! Alam ko namang masama talaga ung nagawa namen. Pero alam nyo kung sino kinakapitan ko ngayon? Si Lord! Humihingi ako ng isa pang chance sa kanya. At kung bibigyan man ako ulit ng isa pang chance magka anak. MAMAHALIN KO TALAGA NG SOBRA. Yung umaapaw kagaya ng blessing ni Lord! Nagawa ko yun o ang gagong mukhong na yun! Dahil gulong-gulo talaga ako that time, wla akong masabihang kaibigan o pamilya. Kakagraduate ko lang kase sa kolehiyo at ang daming EXPECTATIONS sa aken, Oo aaminin ko matalino ako pero bobo ako sa pagmamahal. Sa pagmamahal sa ptngn*ng lalaki na yon. Pasensya na kayo ha? Ito lang kse yung site na nakita ko at dti lang po ako nakapag share ng thoughts ko. I'm very depressed this moment po and I know I deserved it because I lost a very beautiful blessing from above. I hope maiintindihan nyo po ako. Patawad panginoon.

I don't know why am I like this? Am I deserve to be a mother to my future child? I am sorry ZEFS for being irresponsible mother u can't even saw in the entire world coz ur not here anymore. My love, my child. This is so painful and I can't even forgive myself for hurting you, for not giving u the life that u deserve. I love you my child. Sorry for being a dumb mother. Sorry bcoz I'm weak, I can't even protect and fight u for your father's decision. He even blockmail me that he will commit suicide If I pursue you and I am here regreting all the decision I made, I can't even think of you that time. Sorry my child. I am very sorry. My heart still at the very depressed moment of my life. We will see each other my child. Very soon ??? Zefs turn Week9 and 6 days today

My lil angel turns Week 9 and 2 days today. I hope you're in a beautiful place in heaven my dear, Zefs ? I love you my Angel. I'm so sorry because of my irresponsible decision and deeds, I lose a very beautiful blessing from above. Lord, forgive me ??? I'm so depressed and stressed. #AngelinHeaven #ForgiveMeMyChild

I don't know what future holds me.. I don't know his/her gender, I see him forming into embryo, I can see him developing peacefully, I ruined the silence of a sleeping baby inside of me. My dear Angel, I love you, I know you're in pain and in sadness there in heaven, pls do forgive your mommy(me) so I can't handle the situation and I messed everything when you are here inside of my womb. My mama is irresponsible of everything, your mama isn't worth to be a mother. My child, I know this is so painful, I hope you have a wonderful place in heaven, will pray for you anak. I am sorry. ?? #Week5 If girl: I will call her, Zemirah Elisha aka ZEFS If boy: I wil call him, Zach Nathaniel aka Nathan #MyANGEL

If na miscarriage ba ng week 5. Ano po ba gagawin? Need ba raspa?

Once upon a time.. I was week 5 pregnant. At first I really don't know that I'm already pregnant. Umiinom kami ng nga friends ko ng hard liquor at napadami din kain ko ng oyster, and my baby still fighting and developing at my tummy. Nalaman kung buntis ako nung april 4, I don't know if masaya talaga ako o malulungkot because of my parent disappointment at kakagraduate ko lang ng kolehiyo. My boyfriend also irresponsible,Yes! Super irresponsableng ama ng maging anak ko.. Back to the story.. I miscarriage my lil angel at week 5. Super sakit sa pakiramdam ng dinudugo ako ng 12 na araw ? I told my mom everything na ganto na kalagayan ko, na wala na baby ko ?? Sana daw sinabi ko agad sa kanya na buntis ako para daw masubaybayan at maging healthy kami ng baby ko. She never scolded me but she understand my situation. Ano kaya maipapayo nyo saken? april 9-20 dinudugo po ako at ngayon lang po nag stop.