messy in the head

Feeling sorry that this happened to you. I was a single mum in my teens, now my pair of twin are teenagers too, i only got married recently to great husband who didnt judge and loved us dearly. I hope your bf will be responsible in caring so you wont have to face this yourself. It was really not easy being a single mother. I did it still, i felt i am so selfish to end an unborn baby's life, who could they be if I groom them up properly. Why should they die under my decision. And most imptly they are my blood and flesh too. I went to all the gynea appt with out a husband, my tummy was huge but i have no one to carry my bag for me, give me a back rub or leg massage. Many nights i cried because i was so lonely and alone. After i gave birth to them, i became the father and mother role for them, and no one shared parenting roles with me. I still felt as lonely as ever. No husband to share my chores, no one asked me "how was your day with the kids". No hugs, no kisses. As they grew older, I sacrificed alot of opportunities like Businesses, job advancements, having friends of my age, going overseas, studying, because they needed me and finance was tight. Getting a decent boyfriend was not easy too because most people judge, even if the guy dont judge, their family will judge too. I remember i dated a bf for close to 4 years, he told me "i dont want to marry you because i cannot accept people saying I use my money to raise someone else's children, like im an idiot" he told me "my exgf also look pretty, her family status better than yours, she is a uni grad, why am i with you ah?". It lowered my morale so much, but i was thankful to have met those douche bags. It taught me that I just got to be even more independent and successful. There's so much more sorrows to say, but as a mother we have all it takes to be strong and brave for our kids. That's the whole point. Im so thankful for them. It was them who taught me the meaning of life. Their happiness and smile taught me about being responsible. Their love for me comfort me when i feel rejected. It was also them that filtered away calculative and narrow minded man so only big hearted and responsibile ones can walk into our lives. Now they are teenagers already, i have 2 "bestie" to hang out with. They are someone that i know truly loves me because i gave them all my love. So all the labels, gossips, looking down, judging i had experience from tge past.... I proved them all wrong. I never believe I would be able to find a "proper" boyfriend what more, husband. Someone who will love my kids and me truly. Be faithful and fair even if we have another kid coming. Especially after kissing so many frogs, its like.... Prince is definitely not coming, just close shop. But my hubby appeared, his love for us showed me... The right one is worth waiting. And even if he don't appear, i still have my daughters. I am very happy with my back then decision. A decision that most people will ask me to abort coz i was then a teenager myself. Everyone told me "its gonna ruin your life". So many nurses in the hospital was wanting my babies for adoption. Even My ex's mother called me to ask me to go for an abortion if i refuse to marry his son. I told her... "its my tummy, i will do what i want" I believe most of us here will discourage abortion because most of us here are parents. We know the joy our children brought to us but Ultimately its your decision. I hope you discuss with your close friends, parents or get a counsellor to talk it out with you. You can also find me on social media if u need more advice :) i wont judge your decision. I just dont want you to regret. Loves!