TTC depression(?)

TTC can be really taxing on your mental health man.. the days leading up to nak tunggu missed period tu..annoyingnyaaaa. And then negative. Negative, negative negative. Tangan pulak gatal asyik asyik nak take test padahal lama lagi nak tunggu missed period tu. Sampai rasa macam dah tawakkal maybe takde rezeki. Symptoms semua sama macam nak period except missed period and implantation bleeding. And tu pun kadang kadang missed period sebab stress or tak teratur. I WISH theres a definite symptom that indicates youre pregnant before taking a test. The false hope is really what pisses me off. Like at this point, im not even sad but more upset. But as always, Allah yang menentukan segalanya so who am i to be questioning and complaining so much. But at the same time im like whyyyyyy not meee. Whyyy not nowww 😭😭😭 but whokeva yeh. Life is worth living either way isnt it? Atleast thats what i tell myself to ease myself haha. Anyways, i came across this on facebook and it sort of helped in a way. I did lost someone so close to my heart a year ago and basically who raised me after my parents got divorced when i was 3 y/o. His death really changed my whole life and maybe, just maybe, my kid is spending time with him 🥹. Okay sorry for the rant haha. Just needed a space. Abundance of prayers to all the mommas trying to conceive. May our prayers be heard and answered by Allah SWT whenever He knows best. Amin.