Marry or not?

My life might be some pov for ur son. I grew up without a dad but early when i was toddler till 8 years old, i have a dad, he was abusive , come bck from work with all his stress he let it go by rotan, slapping me left and right even if i do some childish mistakes. i was around 5 years old when i felt his wrath. Everyday i pray he would just go away and nvr come bck.. well my prayer was answered when he divorced my mom to marry his mistress. I felt miserable.. n felt guilty that i might be the one whose at fault .. my mom ended being so emotional and also rotan me left n right coz thats how she released her anger towards my dad.. I accepted her anger coz part of me felt it was really my fault coz of my stupid prayers. i became her punching bag but then she was also diagnosed with cancer... my education went downhill, i have suicidal thoughts and depression. This is just a tiny portion of my childhood, i got intervened in early years by my school and psychiatrists n therapists. So i hope, u can see what damage it will do if u let a half hearted , unloved person into ur life and ur kid's. Please be careful and stay logical in this matter.