Lonely as new mom

Tak tahu nak share kat mana. Saya first mum. Rasa lonely sangat bila dah jadi a mother. Especially masa pumping session 2am 3 am, rasa mcm takda org teman. Mcm takda org faham perasaan lonely saya. Saya tinggal dgn mertua. Semua org sayang syg dengan baby. Sometimes mereka akan tolong saya check on baby bila baby nangis tengah malam. Rasa sangat bersyukur juga. Hari2 kat rumah jaga baby juga buat rasa mcm takda freedom dah. Everyday I see my family members going out but I have to stay home to take care of baby. Mak mertua sangat strict on my diet. Tak boleh makan itu ini. Kalau nak tapau luar, dia akan cakap susu saya akan jadi no quality utk cucu dia. Ada skali I cried in front of husband sebab sedih sangat. So dia arrange I keluar jln jln dekat mall or do whatever I want sebagai me time. Feels good afterwards but at the same time rasa bersalah pulak sebab kena suruh family jaga baby. Rasa mcm says abandoned my own child. Thanks for reading :) just wanna let it out