Belum rezeki anak

Saya dah berkahwin 5 tahun. Mula2 family planning untuk make sure stabil dulu economy rumahtangga and career. Some ppl cakap kenapa nk lengah2 kan. Tapi setiap orang ada priority sendiri. Takkan nak buat anak lepastu tak mampu untuk support anak because of course we want to give the best untuk baby nnti. Cost to have a baby is not cheap nowdays. So we do family planning. Planning tahun 2021 atau tahun 2022 baru nak commit to have a baby. So, awal 2021 abang ipar kawin and the wife pregnant beberapa bulan lepas tu. Anak pun dah nak masuk 2 tahun sekarang. Throughout that 2 years, setiap kali raya/ family gathering/ balik rumah mertua, mesti akan ada family member yg bisik2 cakap dah kawin 5 tahun blm ada anak. Belum rezeki lagi. Tapi MIL dah start bisik2 cakap cepat2 la ada anak jangan simpan telur tu lama2. Ya Allah. Sakitnya hati. Dahla kitorang tengah usaha time tu. At that time rasa dah nak give up sebab sepanjang tahun 2021 macam2 cara dah buat so dlm hati memang tak terlintas yang i ni pregnant. On 2022, it was miracle. Alhamdulillah sebab i irregular period, so tak pelik kalau period tak on time. But suddenly rasa pelik sebab sore breasts, makan tak selera. At the same time, time tu kena covid pulak. So i saje je test UPT, alhamdulillah +ve. Terus pergi clinic lepas a week sembuh dari covid. Dr scan and bagitau dah 6weeks. It was miracle and that time my husband nangis depan dr. We both cried 😭 unexpected baby. Sangat2 excited! Week 8, balik raya haji tahun 2022 tiba2 bleeding. Terus balik kl, pergi check kat klinik. Banyak klinik tak bukak time tu. Almost 5 klinik pergi untuk check. Klinik yang ke-5, dr cakap threatened miscarriage. Possibility sebab masa awal2 pregnancy tu i kena covid so virus dah alter dna kandungan. Seminggu lepas tu, bleeding cramping teruk sangat2 keluar ketul2. I pengsan dlm shower kat rumah. Mmg miscarriage on july 2022. Allahuakhbar sedih berbulan2. Once again we both cried. I cuti 2 bulan untuk tenangkan diri. MIL pulak insist nak jumpa nak ajak berkumpul but i was so depressed and i need space. Mcm2 alasan bagi. Husband i pun stress. He dont want to see his family too. Sebab they are not helping, kalau jumpa diorang mesti diorang akana cakap takpe takde rezeki. Dulu pun mak macamtu jugak, mak doakan setiap hari untuk cepat dapat anak balik. Tula mula2 kawin kenapa plan nak buat anak. Sekarang susah nak lekat. OMG. SAKITNYA HATIIIIIIIIII. So we tried to avoid meeting them, avoid family gathering sampai diorang terasa yang kitorang ni busy sangat ke kerja sampai tak boleh spend time. My mental health is important too. I was diagnosed with depression and bipolar since 2015, my husband je yang tau. So bila orang2 ni constantly cakap2 pasal baby, cakap kena pergi berurut. Peranakan mesti dah jatuh sbb gugur. Nnti lepas urut peranakan mesti boleh mengandung. I rasa semua tu bullshit. Lepastu cakap, abang ipar dah ada anak, hang bila nak ada anak??? I was at my lowest point until to the point. Rasa down sangat nak terjun dari bangunan. I attempted suicide many times. Seminggu tak lalu makan, lose weight 14kg dlm masa 3bulan. Im going crazy. suami je yang sabar dan always at my side to support me mentally. Sangat2 bersyukur ada suami yang supportive. Akhir bulan 3 2023, period dah lambat 2bulan. Terasa sore breast and mual. I check UPT and Alhamdulillah +ve air mata mengalir bertalu talu. Unexpected baby sebab we both gave up on making baby sebab my husband cakap nak focus on my mental health. Sekarang nak masuk 8weeks. Lagi 2 minggu jumpa dr untuk scan and buka buku pink. But sampai sekarang we keep it as secret tak bagitau anyone about our pregnancy. Mungkin bila dah 4months baru bagitau or maybe i just let ppl nampak sendiri my baby bump. Bila orang tanya baru cakap yes pregnant. Im hoping for a healthy pregnancy, healthy baby, handsome/ pretty baby coming out on december 2023. InsyaAllah. Just sharing my experience je dengan you all semua. My ups and downs. If you dont have anything positive to say, pls dont comment dekat my post. Dont be toxic ya. I doakan all mommies yang face same issue/ apa2 issue/ still TTC i wish you all the best we can do it! 💪🏻