First time in love with someone ??

Hello peeps ! Recently, i found that my self was in desperate needs for attention from these only one girl. Since at my school time i always could never care about being in a relationship. Until one day, fate had brings us for the first time my self for real has been bound to her. Since these was my first time in love, i really dunno if we are being closed / often being together laa. But, she did said that she kinda like for having me around (i let y’all decide). However, my story wasn’t end with a happy nor sad. Suddenly, she was and still ANGRY at me for NO REASON ! till now (now she’ll be MAD). The problem is, i could understand what were she tried to let me know only the time taken was too slow (i did blame self!) She did know that i was in love only with her (well, it takes 26 years for me to fall in love). And, i think and always never ever thought that a girl will really like and love me like me. Particularly, HER ! (to me, she is like the moon) and im only just tiny little bird, always tried my chances just for me to enjoy the scenery (stalking her but i swear in a good way and purpose) Since that situation started, we couldn’t never agreed on anything. All of the small problems will became bigger if we both working together. And so i decided, to created really one good reason to resign for good (it really was not so hard to creates a situation which will eventually make a company decides to let you go) Now, im a full-time student in pursuing my degree. I could never forget about her ! Because, she were being her self (stubborn for not forgiving ME !!!) I really did give everything i love + the most important for me is the pleasures of being with her, these was my only way for me to know about her being, conditioned and her existence (she did called me a psycho) but, F.U.C.K it. Atleast, i never crosses the limits unlike her others FRIENDS which is BOY ! Lol. I tried to talks with her personally, it dint workout because after all this incidents. I know that it were my faults so I won’t do it again (like i said, 26 years old still only by her i will happy) Now, she changed her phone number. And i will never find her, BECAUSE if i did, i will still only could watch her. All of the words from my thoughts eventually gone (the words will never enough for her, to me laa) i love her with all my heart. So, i wont ever get to said “I am sorry for everythings, and truly I had and always keep on love with you hana, mira, panda (like my self, her names keep changing) ? 1) Is myself was a good or bad person ? 2) I did ask her and families for a marriage, because “kapel2 “ nih will ruined her (if she sudi kapel with me laa) 3) These is my first time and only moves. Please rates me on a scale 1 - 10 (worst to awesome) #tenkiuu for ur time by reading and help me with the questions ?