35 Replies
My husband was posted to China for a year when my 2nd son was 2 months old and I decided not to follow him after considering the air pollution level and education in China, as the workplace is very far away from the main city. In addition the 2nd child was too young. However, my elder daugther who was about 4 years old missed her daddy very much and had some behavioral changes within that year. It was a emotional roller coaster year for me, my daugther and my husband as we really missed each other very much. My husband regretted on his decision to go China and could have spend more time with his children. It was really tough to separate from husband, and kids with their daddy. Thus, if your daugther is still not yet entering into primary school, you should follow your husband to go. 1. Young kids adapt very fast in new environment. My daugther changed a few preschools and yet can settle down very fast. Also, I believe Japan has good education available and if no, you can choose to homeschool her for 1 year. 2. It is good to let your kid to expose to different cultures when young. It will be a good exposure for her. 3. It is good to let your husband spend time with you and your daugther together in Japan. Although 1 year sounds not too long, but going through the separation is not really easy to handle. 4. You can consider to apply for 1 year no pay leave from your company. If your company does not allow, you can consider to find a new job after back to Singapore. Money can be earned anytime but family time is priceless.
At my old job, we get posted overseas every now and then (2 years each time) and I see my colleagues who are parents go through the dilemma of having to choose to go alone or uproot the whole family. If the station they are posted to is relatively close, most of the times they go alone. They will also consider safety, stability and accessibility of the destination. But if it's far away (more than 3 hours by plane), chances are they will bring the family along. Thankfully, these kinds of destinations are kid-friendly (safe, clean, great international schools available). Companies sometimes offer compensation for working spouses of those who are being posted overseas. Perhaps you can ask your husband if this option is available if the no-pay leave option is not. As for your child, the mommy above is right, young kids adjust better to new environments, better than most adults. Studies have shown that children who have lived abroad grow up to be more adaptable, culturally aware and much more independent.
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I think it depends on what as a person you want. What I feel that in a situation like yours, the sole decision is on your liking of the idea or not. If the feeling of accompanying him is there in your heart, you will anyway follow him, no matter how confused you are about your daughter's settlement. And if you do not want to go, no matter how many times some one will tell you that kids adapt easily, you will not go. Hahaha... May be I am wrong also, but this is what I would have done in your situation. If you are comfortable in your space, be there. May be you can let your husband settle down, and can accompany him next year.
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hyy if its complulsory for ur hubby to go to japan n u both also hv an option to go along vth him..i think u shud join him..i knw its bit difficult to leave ur current job n baby to leave school as she had recently settled...but its an opportunity also...u shud experience..u n ur baby will learn to settle easily further life also.. take it as opportunity..n if u will remain here...at d back of ur mind u will worry for ur hubby..botb u will miss him also.by going u cn support him mentally n morally..rest is upto u
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if you are sure it is only for a year then i think the best way to handle this is for him to go while you and your daughter live here. going for a year and coming back again would disrupt her routine. your husband can stay in touch via video calls and also come over every few months. in case after a year it feels the opportunity may take longer and he has to stay there for more years, you can take a call then.
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i think if it is just for a year it does not make sense to uproot everything and move, only to come back again. however, if your husband has to extend it, you can then think about transferring, as it will mean your changing your job as welll as your child's school change. in the meanwhile, try visiting him and maybe he can come over too once or twice.