Hi mummies, what do you do if your husband wants to control everything on how you take care of your baby? And when you and ur mum (his in law) take care, he always compare to his mom and always say if anything goes wrong me n my mom should take responsible. I am SO FED UP. My mum came all the way to Singapore to help to take care n this is how he responds.

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Super Mum

Sorry to hear about what you’re going through... On one hand, it’s good if your husband is hands-on and involved in caring for baby. At the same time, I believe that (at least for my kids) this baby belongs to my husband and I.. it’s a joint partnership. Hence, how we care for the baby should be discussed, and a consensus reached between the both of us. It should not be what either of our mothers say or want us to do. They had their turn to raise babies, and they did their best in their own circumstances. Now, it’s time for you and your husband to raise your baby together in the best way you know. I think if there’s a conflict between his mum’s and your mum’s style, and neither side can agree, then you may want to seriously consider asking both grandmothers to stay out of caring for baby for a little while. You and your husband need to sit down, talk it through and discuss how you want to do things together. You really need a blank slate and to hear each other out.. both of you. Listen to each other’s ideas, and if there are differences in opinions, check them against expert advice to see if they’re safe and good ideas. If both ideas are sound but is up to personal preference, then try out both ideas together (take turns) and do an evaluation together on what works best for your baby. Sometimes the outcome surprises you. Even for both my kids, they responded very differently to many of the things we did, so we had to change our approach and re-evaluate to see whether the new style worked. Of course, my husband and I had differences, but we would throw our pride aside for 1 day and try out the other person’s idea (especially in the area of sleep training).. and because of this teamwork, the outcome is fantastic! Our husband-wife relationship has become so much stronger, and our kids feel loved and secure with us. It’s a win-win for all. In our case, the grandmothers focus mainly on playing with the kids (outside the circuit-breaker period). We make our own parenting decisions. Just for your consideration:) P.S. You don’t need to always win arguments or have things done your way. Think about the long term goals. There’s more than 1 good way to raise a baby:) but a happy marriage is important for the child to feel secure.

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You bore the baby in your womb for 9 months, if anything, YOU have the final say, YOU are the mother of the child, YOU gave birth to the child. How dare he blame you nonchalantly if anything goes wrong? Marriage and parenthood is a 2-way thing. Not one-sided. Maybe he is just scared you’re not capable enough to be a mother. Time to prove them wrong my dear.

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VIP Member

Talk it out with your husband. If anything, it should be both of you to decide on parenting issues

VIP Member

Talk to him