16 Replies
Hey there, I totally understand how frustrating and hurtful it can be when your mother-in-law constantly criticizes your parenting style. It's tough to deal with someone constantly belittling your choices, especially when it comes to raising your own child. First of all, please know that you are not alone in this. Many mothers go through similar situations with their in-laws. It's important to remember that you are the parent, and you know what's best for your child. Trust your instincts and don't let anyone make you doubt yourself. When it comes to dealing with your mother-in-law, it might help to have an open and honest conversation with her. Let her know how her comments make you feel and set some boundaries. It's okay to stand up for yourself and your parenting decisions. If she continues to criticize and belittle you, it's okay to distance yourself from her negativity. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift and encourage you as a parent. As for the swaddling, feeding, and mealtime issues, stick to what you believe is best for your child. You are the one spending every day with your little one, so you know their needs better than anyone else. Remember, you're doing an amazing job as a mother, and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. Stay strong and keep doing what you feel is right for your child. Sending you lots of positive vibes! https://invl.io/cll6she
This is generation gap.. MILs always seem to have different parenting styles as they’re brought up differently (I guess). I totally get what you’re feeling because I’m going through it too.. it’s so terrible but just do what you think is right, stand your ground, talk to your husband and see what he says (support from him is really important) The words used are usually horrible & I can feel it’s belittling me too.. but I know she’s just over protective over her grandson and always use harsh words so that I will do better (they do not learn things like customer service / how to talk nicely when angry / when teaching us) so we can’t be expecting nice words from her.. (especially when they aren’t brought up that way) And also pls do get plenty of rest / me-time/ self care especially after going through all these… 🥺 Sending hugs to you and pls keep going because your child needs you ❤️ Are you the main care taker or is she the one? You can ask her what you should cook instead / get some advices from her on how to cook - just to show that you ‘listen to her advices’ and respect what she’s saying at the same time.
hi mummy, im sorry youre going through a terrible situation … mother-in-laws are really something else and i feel for you. consider having a talk with your husband— discuss and settle on a conclusion regarding your MIL’s comments and actions. if youre staying with her, maybe move in with your side of the family (if possible, if not a friend who’s willing to help out. if MIL visits your place, consider telling her she’s not welcome until she apologises and stand your ground!) for the time being until she realises what she’s doing/done and apologises. youre a great advocate for your baby and youre doing your best and everything right! (the fact that she wanted to let your LO have a taste of honey just because the lips were dry??? she sounds like a danger to your LO… better to be safe than sorry, especially with people like that) please dont let some ignorant person get to you :( and take good care of yourself too! step away from the situation for your mental well-being. sending hugs to you 🫂
My MIL is this kind too. And no matter what she does whether one day she suddenly try to be nice or what, you sure cannot tahan her anyway. If you’re staying w her, move out. If you’re not, just don’t patronise her, just be cordial but don’t make it seem like you need her or her advice, and just be nonchalant about what everything she said. Like just bo heu her bt still respectful. Eventually, she will realise you are not the biggest fan of her advice and reduce interaction. That’s me and my MIL pre pregnancy, and she learn how to stay away. I feel bad la she sometimes ask things like so she can be helpful or contribute but I always make it look like as if I got all things planned out (although I don’t) so there’s no way she can help / engage.
To be honest.. let your husband know, and ask him to talk to her about it. I kinda did that, but think my hub still didnt intervene. One day it got so bad that I yelled at her n slammed the door, etc. My mil hasn’t criticise me much since then. Though things are slightly awkward now, I dont regret doing what I did, because it’s all to preserve my mental health and keep myself sane. Of course, my hub did explained to her afterwards on my behalf my breakdown (eg. Not sleeping much, have to keep waking every 3 to 4hrs to pump milk, etc.. and then have to keep hearing alot of negative things..), and I apologised later on for the break down too, crying and asking her if she could stop criticising so much as it’s making me very stressed and depressed.
Distance definitely helps, so if you are living with her and able to move away, find somewhere else where you can grow your nuclear family without the added in law stress. Set the ground rules as you are the mother of your child. It is the duty of your husband to talk to her, otherwise it shows he doesn't care about you. If your husband has another sibling and you are open to talk to him/her, I find that that helps to regulate the in-laws. Hang in there and hope things get better soon! 💓
You do you. At the end of the day, you are the parent of the child. Older generations sometimes think that they are just trying to help, sometimes without realising that information is abundant online now (of course reputable source). Time has change. So mommy, you do you. Also, if you are living together with the in-laws, might consider moving out too. Be at peace with your own mental health.
I wonder whether you can also try being vulnerable with her. Tell her frankly that her words are hurtful and make you feel very lousy as a woman, but say it in a way that suggest that she mustn't have meant it or she didn't know the impact of what she's saying or doing. Rather than going hard, sometimes going soft shows strength and control too.
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Move out, or just start an argument with her. Honestly if its me i wouldnt care if our relationship turns sour. U deserve peace and she shld respect your parenting style. And, why arent your husband doing anything?