Toxic relationship with mom

My mom always demands money from me and my siblings. No matter how much we give, it is not enough for her because she will "upgrade" and buy/ be involved in things that incur more financial commitment. When me and my siblings won't comply, she would cry, complain, and make up stories among the siblings and relatives such that whoever fell for her story would stand up for her and contact us to "advise" us. "Mom is old, and it's not right that you all are working and not pay her". If no one stands for her, she will drive to my sister house to make a scene, scold and curse us. As my sister lives with the in law, we eventually have to comply to stop her from harassing and creating all these troubles to the husband and in laws. She is 62 yo, not working since 3 years ago. Divorced and married a man, 57yo who works as a store helper. She demands a car, petrol to meet friends in the day, gym club membership, expensive MLM beauty and supplement products, weekly 4D gambling, and commitment to multiple insurance policies. She previously had a business where she used our money to sustain her shop rent, utilities, and pay business loan. If theres any profit at all, she would spend it on 4D and herself. No matter how much we pay her, she doesnt save a single cent. After the business closed down, if not because we found a job for my mom's husband, she wanted us to bear the cost of both of their living. Giving excuse that 54 and 59 are old and cannot work anymore. Both refused to look for a job until thankfully we found a store helper job for the husband. When she is sick, she would take videos and pics of herself and broadcast it to the siblings and relatives, and ask for more money on top of the allowances that we paid her. She said she is sick and doesn't have money to see the doctor, so we have to pay her for that. But the medical bills, she nvr shows us. Though this has been happening for years, now that I'm pregnant, with my pregnancy symptoms, I feel I can't take it anymore. And with the birth of my baby, I wonder if I want to continue to live a life controlled by her like this. Anytime, any day there could be an "explosion" from her. It's very off and my sister told me we have to endure bcs she is our mom. I feel extremely stressed, and I want to be out from this kind of relationship. How do I cut her off from my life? Blocking her doesn't help, as my siblings/relatives will come to me and forward her audio msgs to me. I hate it when she curses us. #pleasehelp #FTM

Anonymous

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Personally for me, if you wanna cut them off, cut off those that wont stop forwarding you stuffs altogether unless they can respect your decision of “Do not forward me any of the audios/stuffs.” If I wanna know anything about her, I will ask you. Don’t use your “I thinks and you should” to morally kidnap me. That’s what I did to my mum (she’s just toxic, super violent towards us even when we are just small kids back then, doesn’t works and very money minded as well too). I’m not trying to be unfilial but I feel that you shouldn’t abuse the respect just because you’re my mum or “senior”. Money matters I can close eye, but when you start dramas i won’t comply anymore. My mum like to play victim to the san gu liu pos and then without getting the fact rights they will come and scold us just because we are the younger ones, everything they do is right. Until once, she spent ALL the money that they chipped in to buy something for, then when they asked, she blamed it on me and said I spend it and didn’t order instead, so I spoke up and openly said “You spent it all, how I order? It’s not few hundred, it’s few thousands how I afford?”. She tried to drag me to the room and wanted to whack me lol. Curse me and my family to die, threaten to go up my mil’s house (luckily my mil said if she come she will use broom and whack her or call police.) super BS. For my sanity and my own family, I have cut her and her side off for years and I’ve been living very peacefully since then.

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Anonymous

1y ago

I don’t and i can’t afford to, she’s asking for a maintainence of $4K for herself and $4K for my grandma. There’s no way I can afford that sum of money unless I marry a rich husband which unfortunately I did not (so she looked down on him btw). If you’re asking for something realistic within my means, I would gladly give, but if you’re expecting me to rob a damn bank or sell myself (she asked my sister to do so btw) just to feed your luxurious life, you can put your pillows higher at night and dream. I won’t feel guilty at all because she did not even take care of us. Her job was to play computer games all day and hitting us when she’s lack of sleep or in a bad mood 🤷‍♀️.

Oh no im sorry you had to go through this. Definitely very toxic. I would say to cut ties with her, people would say theyre still your mum but they never go thru what you go thru. Maybe for now ignore all the relatives or siblings that send you her msgs or audio msgs ? Cs idk i find them toxic as well. As stress can really affect the baby and you would want to avoid it as much as you can. I think husband also play an important role.

Anonymous

1y ago

Thank you. I can't think of other ways, too. For years, I was hoping that things will change.

Not sure if this article is applicable to your situation. For your info, on abusive parents. I believe the audio recordings could be evidence for some form of abuse. https://sg.theasianparent.com/maintenance

Just ignore the calls & dun listen to the audio (so as not to make u feel horrible). If she loves u, she will never even curse u

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