My 12yo girl has been telling lies since 9yo and recently she stole money from my drawer and me and husband's wallet . I feel really upset as she knew that our family financial is tight and the money is to pay for her tuition and set aside for rainy days. She uses the money to buy pens and stuff from bookshop and treated her friends to lunch and movies. She said she has been stealing quite a few times already. I actually did not check on the money in the drawer because i feel that it will not go missing and trust that no 1 in the house will take it. My husband is the 1 that notice that the money in his wallet kept missing. Im so upset i feel that im unable to look at her. I see that she feels no guilt when being confronted and i just did not know what i can do to stop her from telling lies and stealing.
First of all, I would like to give u a big hugs. Must have not been easy on you as she had broke your heart. I came from a single parent family. My family was poor. Really really poor. We survived with the assistance from the govt. My mother slogged 16 hours everyday to raise me up. It was rotating shift. Meaning I don't see her most of the time. She couldn't afford day care for me. Since primary 4, I have been left alone at home. Managing my homework, cook and wash the clothes. I could still remember very clearly that I stole $0.20 from my mother just because everyone in the class have a "flag" eraser to play with except me. And of cos. My mother realized her only coin left on the table was gone and started questioning me. I admitted that I stole. She broke down. She started talking to me in a very adult manner. Bear in mind I was only 10 years old back than. She taught me that we have to be upright. Being poor doesn't mean we are poor mannered or have no pride. Looking back. The reason why I stole wasn't really because I wanted that eraser so badly to play with the eraser flipping game. It was out of my inferiority and low self esteem at that time. I felt I couldn't blend in with those "friends" if I didn't have that eraser. You might want to have a heart to heart talk with your girl. She didn't look like its her fault, it could be because she feel like she will "lose face" if she admitted her mistake as she is at the age of being rebellious? Deep down she could have already known that it is incorrect to steal. She could be just lonely. I been through that phrase. It is also not easy on her. You are her mother. You knows what is best for her more than anyone else. Try an error with different parenting method. I am sure you can work this out with your girl. Don't be disheartened!Read more
12 years old is about the age for being rebellious. You can start locking up your valuables as you mentioned that your family financial is tight and they are for bills. If she keeps taking them, then you will have a hard time trying to pay the bills. You should sit her down and talk to her about the severity of the situation with your husband. Use another approach instead of confronting her. It will be a big problem if she starts stealing out of the house. If there is no choice, perhaps it will be better to contact social services. Better have them hate us than see them landing themselves into something more serious.Read more
If you don't nip this problem in the bud, it can mutate into more serious acts like shoplifting. At her age, she is definitely going through a rebellious phase and pushing all sorts of limits. Stow all your money and valuables in a new location and try not leave your bags and wallets lying around. I know it must be hard, but she broke your trust and tough love needs to be applied. Sit her down and talk about the seriousness of her actions and if there is no improvement, "threaten" to report to authorities.Read more
You said she used the money to treat friends and buy stuff. How about let her experience some real jobs, so she can value the hardship of working for a living. Also she'll get a chance to earn her own money and able to do what she likes. For her age, she can do small business like selling sandwiches/juices,or offer services such as clean up neighbours' yard and ironing clothes. Let her experience the adult world and perhaps with that, she'll be matured enough to stop thr stealing actions.Read more