Contempt and Resentment

In all honesty, have you ever held your husband or partner in contempt and resented him for his insensitivity? There are times when I feel like he is doing something that is unnecessary (watching Netflix for example) at irregular times of the day. He says it's his way of relaxing from a whole night of working. Between him and I, he is the one who cooks. Though I apprexmciate his efforts there are days when I feel like he is just really doing it for himself - he cooks what he wants to eat and not necessarily what I need as a breastfeeding mom. While other husbands I guess would be happy to be needed and relied upon, I feel like my husband doesn't want that. He says I don't have to find a job and simply focus on taking care of our baby but he complains when I have to ask him to do some stuff or assist me for a few minutes in watching the baby. He says I am too clingy or that I do so many things and he'll be late for work (?!). Is his job far more important than his son?? As I write this, I have this nagging feeling that perhaps I'm either better off alone or if I just leave him and our baby behind so he knows how it feels like to be alone l; how it feels like nobody cares or nobody can help you; that you just have to find out everything on your own. Maybe I am just unappreciative or ungrateful. Maybe I just have too many expectations. Maybe I am just discontented. But I feel like the life I have right now isn't how it is supposed to be. It can be so much better. It should be. The question is... How? How do you carve out the life you want for yourself when there is this picture that everybody expects of you as a "complete" family? It's not about what other people would say because you're sort of damned if you do and still damned if you don't. Forgive me for ranting. But if you can somehow relate to this post, please post a comment below. I need some fresh insights...a different perspective. I am just sooooo angry right now and I really want to leave my husband and infant son behind. They'll survive. And so will I.... I hope.

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Magsulat ng reply

Hi sis! Sa tagal namin ng husband ko I think 15 years na yata kami hahaha! Hindi ko sure pero parang ganon nga.. ang isang natutunan ko is tanggapin sya at makuntento kung ano sya. Pero ndi pa din nawawala un dapat ganito sya dapat ganyan. Pero kaya nga natin sya minahal e ibigsabihin nakita natin sa kanya un ndi natin nakita sa iba. Siguro dala lang din yan ng postpartum mo before kasi kapapanganak mo lang then sa pagkaka intindi ko parang tatlo lang kau sa bahay kaw si husband and ur baby. Nagkaron din aq ng postpartum after I gave birth un tipong wala na lang aq gagawin kundi msg breastfeed sa baby ko tapos matutulog sya tapos gigising and mag milk uli tapos ndi aq makalabas dahil baby pa nga sya tapos bf mom pako non. Pero un husband ko minsan nilalabas nya aq para manood ng sine kahit saglit lang. Parang ang lungkot lang talaga sa bahay noh.. pero isipin mo na lang may task pa din si hubby mo like magluto ng food ndi lahat ng lalaki ginagawa yan lagi. Iba kasi mind set talaga ng mga lalaki kesa sa babae, may pagka self fish talaga sila minsan kaya kausapin mo na lang sya sis. And intindihin din natin sila na pagod din sila from work. I know pagod ka din sa gawaing bahay at kay baby pero communication is the best way para sa isang relationship.

Magbasa pa

Married or not married.... Have you talk to your husband about your issues/ problems and concerns? If no, i think you need to compromise on the issues. In a relationship you must have an open communication specially your relationship is at stake and there is your little one being affected... If yes and you do all the talking and communucating (i hope is not in a nagging way) and still same old issues maybe it is about time to have space between your relationships. That somehow both of you will realize what should both of you to do to arrange your relationship..

Magbasa pa
3y ago

We're okay now. He didn't say he was sorry but he cooked a meal I like the following day and volunteered to watch the baby so I can eat. I apologized and owned my end of the conflict - I shouted and pouted. That was disrespectful. As always, it takes 2 to tango. Thanks for commenting. It made me feel I wasn't alone and that somebody, at least, was "listening". God bless your heart!