I've always thought I am able to handle 2 children when my 2nd child arrived 2 months ago. Things is not not gg well especially I feel I have been very harsh with my 5 yrs old boy recently. While I am trying very hard to bond with my LO , the elder one will start to speak very loud at home and will go disturb the baby when he is asleep soundly. Recently, teacher told me the elder one hit someone at childcare and when I ask him nicely , he is totally not willing to talk about it. He does not have this kind of record in school before. When I talk to him , he will just immense himself into his fav TV cartoon and would not answer or pay little attention to my words. Sometimes , he is rude to my mum too. I am starting to worry about his character.... At few times , he pushed me to my limits and I could not tolerate and swear in front of him . I know I shouldn't be and feel ashamed at myself .Things seems to change a lot after the LO arrived . In the past I have read many parenting books in order to be the best mum I could.But I feel like I have failed just been a good mum after all and I feel so angry with him that I told him I don't love him anymore.My husband scolded me for my mean words and I really regretted. At the same time , I really want to give more attention to the little one which he really needs as an infant . I am torn and feel really tired as I also need to spend time with my elder one on his homework as he will be approaching K2 very soon. I need need some wise advices. Thanks