stressed

I'm a first time mommy and I'm very young.. is so stressful to care for my LO at times.. i always feel like I'm not a good mother when she's being difficult.. throwing her food around and tantrums.. I feel guilty for scolding her. she pretends to cry very loudly so my IL will come can carry her. is it possible they have spoiled her? like she knows she gets her way when she cries?

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Super Mum

Hi dear:) Almost every baby is difficult at times. Haha. That’s not our fault, and it certainly doesn’t mean we’re not good mothers. What a good mother should do is to teach our LOs well. They are certainly cunning sometimes.. they know how to get away with things, and who to look for to help them achieve that. It’s somehow their innate skill to survive 😂 So no matter how young you are, YOU are the mummy. You are in charge. Teach your LO what’s right and what’s wrong. Whether it’s about learning to wait, or not doing certain things, most things need to be taught (it’s not a natural instinct). As for how to teach, everyone has their own styles. My husband’s the classic asian father, stern and no-nonsense (otherwise punishment ensues). For me, I spend a lot of time talking, using different tones of voice, explaining why what they’re doing is wrong. But the important thing is that my husband and I don’t stop at scolding/punishing. We also teach the right response to the situation, and reward our children when they do so, as a form of positive reinforcement. One thing I learnt, especially at the toddler age, is that our LOs are sometimes so overwhelmed by their own feelings and thoughts that if we don’t give in to their demands, their minds and bodies shut down, and they have a huge meltdown. So sometimes I let my daughter melt first, for a little while... because nothing I say or do at that moment will help her. I let her melt, but in my presence, and then I comfort her, calm her down, address her big feelings and put that into words (or pictures)... then I discipline and teach when she’s given me her full attention. Hope you’ll find a healthy way to discipline your LO too:) but it’s a learning journey for all of us. And even if other relatives try to spoil our kids, if we gain their trust through being their role model and teaching them well, eventually they start running to us when problems arise:)

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Hi, Every baby have different ways to express themselves and yes they can be difficult at times. So don't be too hard on your self and I am sure with time it will all be fine. Try talking logically to her if possible and try persuading her as why is this wrong etc. it will all be fine and soon with all these trials you will find a way to improve your LOs tantrums :)

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