6 Replies
As kids grow, these things happen. They do not want to share things and want to distance themselves. They have their own world and they think that either you won't understand or what's the point of discussing it anyway. It is just a phase but there are many other things at this stage so it is not bad to belittle vigilante. Keep a tab on whom she talks to, her friends, or if she is on social sites, follow her post and what all she likes. This is an impressionable age, may be, she reading some novels or is getting influenced by some singer or author. I remember when I was a teenager, I was highly influenced by Jim Morrison, and poet John Donne. And as the people they were, I too, started keeping to myself, used to be in my own thoughts, used to write strange poetry. So, all you should do is, do not force her or coax her into doing things or do not become an obvious inquisitive. You can perhaps go on a holiday with her and spend maximum time chatting, having fun time with her, and instead of talking about her things have random discusssion on topics, and you will have an idea of what is her state of mind and what is her thought process.
I think it is normal behaviour since children at that stage is trying to find their identity. They would want to have their own space and exercise their autonomy. What I would propose is to respect her privacy and preferences. At the same time, still enforce some rules (such as, having to inform parents about her whereabouts; having to keep parents updated if she were to return home later than expected). Try to engage her in conversations and find out which friend(s) she is closer to. Let her know that you will be around if she ever needed any advice. Adolescence is a tough stage to manage as it is difficult to balance how much "control" a parent can exercise. All the best! Just continue to engage and communicate with her whenever there's an opportunity.
Yes it is very normal for teens to be secretive. Sudden change of behavior happens whenever they go thru adolescence. Their interest changes, style or attitude. At this stage they want to decide on their own or be independent that might cause for them to be secretive. There could be other reasons too. As a parent of 2 preteens. I always tell them to open their ideas, pains and success with me. And that I'm always here to support them. If in any case that they might have made wrong decisions. I'm always here to guide them to the right solution and still resolve the issue on their own.
This is a normal behavior during this particular stage of life. At one point, we were also a teen before. We tend to keep some issues from our parents having the thought that this could either make them mad or overreact in a way. But later on, we'll realize that it would be better to have shared it to them. This is a part of learning and development for every individual. The best thing to do would be to assure them of your presence and support all the way. Never fail to encourage them to open up. This way, they will realize that they are never alone every step of their way.
Alongwith hormonal changes in children,there come behavioural changes. It is very normal for teenagers to suddenly become quiet an uncommunicative. Give your child the space she requires at the same time try and indulge in friendly conversation to get an insight as to whether all is well or something is troubling her. Let her know you are there for her if she needs you. I have always told my son that if something is wrong or something is troubling him he can always approach me.....even if he has done something wrong and I will always help him out.
There really comes a point where teens act distant, or they become secretive. It's perfectly normal behavior. What you should do is tell your teen that you will always be there for them if they need you, and that you're open to conversations with them. What you shouldn't do is snoop around and read their texts, or check their FB accounts etc. It's important to give your teen some room for privacy.