Interracial Marriage

I had interracial marriage (with a chinese) and to be frank I am not very sure how a DIL should be like in chinese culture. Unfortunately this was not discussed deeply with my husband prior to our marriage and I am finding it hard to adapt. Please share some advice for me to understand. Very often my IL will bring up “you’re married to your husband family”. What exactly is married to my husband family? Because to me I see them as a family and I act how I am with my own family. Some times I feel sad when others mention that my family no longer have rights on me or I should not be bother about them as much :( Is this part of it? The family also take interest in each other’s personal affair. Ever since we got married and have kids, I told my husband that I don’t mind sharing our views with the family for opinions (to respect them) but not when making decision. I feel like all decision making that concern us as husband and wife as well as our kids should be made by us and others should respect that but it seems otherwise. Any tips or ways for me to understand better and be a better DIL?