Let me just share this to you guys.

I gave birth to a very beautiful daughter. being a mother gives me the happiness that I have never felt before and I am proud of myself. but what is this empty feelings inside? why do I feel so bothered and insecure? why does I feel like I am a loser? it is so sad, tiring and painful. why do I feel so helpless? my world collapsed and all my dreams went down when I knew I was pregnant. all those plans and wishes were gone. everything stopped! I knew I am carrying a wonderful creation inside of me, but I felt so hopeless and devastated yet I was happy. I was truly happy and still am. but I was sad. I can't explain my feelings very clearly but I felt so depressed and in pain yet I was smiling a real smile. seeing my daughter right now gives me the best feeling in the world. those smiles, those laughters, everything! being a mother is so tiring yet satisfying. it is the best job in the world being paid by love and joy. yet seeing people got their dreams and succeed, I get insecure and jealous and look down on myself. they're working their dream jobs, they're travelling like I used to, they're enjoying every inch of their lives but then I look at myself. I'm so hopeless. I am nothing compared to them. here I am now changing diapers instead of changing the world. here I am picking up toys instead of picking up pebbles from beaches I travelled to. here I am carrying my child instead of carrying bags and passport. here I am looking like a rubbish, messy hair, messy clothes, no make up, a real mess! what am I doing? but I never regretted anything, I am just insecure. I miss the life I had before all of these but I love my life right now. I am so confuse and frustrated. Why am I like this? Why do I feel like this? I am happy yet I am sad. I feel complete yet I feel so empty. I keep on smiling yet I am crying. I was sure yet confuse. why? I am so miserable. I feel like everything fell apart since day one. I have all these BUTS and WHAT IFs. I have lost interest to most of the things I love before. I'm slowly losing my sanity. Do I need to seek for a medical attention? #confuse#advicepls #1stimemom