Please don't judge I'm just feeling very stressful

I feel so guilty and bad but at the same time I don't know what should I do. I am married but I'm just like a single mother. I paid for my labour, preparation of baby arrival and till now my baby is 5 month old. I got judge really badly but no one know what I gone through. They just blame me for being a bad mother. When I found out I'm pregnant I try to quit smoking. But eventually I failed I smoke during my pregnancy but I did not exceed 10 sticks a day. And ppl judge me I didn't bother. I went through hell 4 month pregnancy all sort of harassment call came because my husband owe gambling debts. 7 month into pregnancy another pile of gambling debts came again. I ever thought to commit suicide I tried but I failed. I can be less stressful by smoking so I didn't quit. After birth I'm a fully breastfeeding mother I have enough milk supply. So I manage to cut down to 3 stick a day and making sure I don't smoke before latching. 2 weeks later my husband got into trouble again. I'm very stress with taking care of baby with no help and my husband just won't give me peace making me crying everyday. I smoke back again to 10 sticks a day. And I'm being judge again. Yes smoking is not good best is to avoid I know I'm guilty and I'm trying to minimise the harm but do anyone know how stressful it is? Yes I received comment like why don't you give formula milk instead? I'm jobless I'm relying on my savings to pull through this stage now. I have lots of breastmilk why not waste it. Is that wrong?

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I wanted to say You are very lucky mama to have a lot of breastmilk supplies ☺️ I understand how you feel now, you are so strong but you must seek help too, call 1800-221-4444. May God always protect you and your baby ! God bless you mama 🤗

Hi dear u may wanna get some help from comcare or msf for some support ? For rations/ baby clothes , can get from blessings , or do email me I can help you with some .

Hi dear, I understand how u feel especially having a gambling family member with you. Please call this number and talk to them.. 1800-221-4444 they will help you