Jealous of MIL

Taking care of a newborn is tiring, and husband is working, so MIL comes over every morning and afternoon to help. However, she takes all the baby bonding jobs only - such as feeding, playing and carrying baby, and everything else dirty or out of the scenes is done by me (she asks me to do) - such as making milk, bottle washing, laundry, housework, diaper changing, wrapping baby in swaddle, making the baby bed, cutting baby nails, settling all the poop leaks etc. During diaper change, she will sit beside and talk and entertain baby while i change. After changing diaper for baby, mil will carry baby away to bond, so I don't have time to bond with baby also... Feels like I am "returning" baby to mil... Now my baby is so close to her but not me, he allows my mil to carry him and cries when I do, doesn't smile much at me or talk to me but smiles at her. I feel like my mil is the mother and I am just a maid... By the end of the day I am also very tired and my husband also helps by taking all the baby bonding job and I do all the behind the scenes. I get very little time to bond with the baby. The only time when I bond with baby is when I breastfeed in the middle of the night. My baby wakes up once or twice in the motn and I breastfeed and put him back to bed that's all. But baby is drowsy and environment is dark, so he probably doesn't recognize me. And I want him to sleep so I ignore him when he tries to talk to me. I actually do want to talk to him so I feel sad when ignoring him. What should I do? I do need the help, but I am jealous that my mil is getting more affection and bond with my baby and i dont? #firsttimemom #firstmom #advicepls

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Ah mummy i totally feel youuu! I was in the same exact position as you when my baby was born last 2 months. I was very resentful towards my MIL cause i feel like shes stealing my baby from me and i had to “return” the baby to her. And whenever i carry baby and baby cried, she keep insisting passing the baby to her for her to soothe or put the baby to sleep. Which i hated the most. Nobody gave me the chance to learn. I had zero bonding or connection with baby and im always crying. Other people’s pov is them helping me take care of baby so i can recover. Everybody was busy asking baby from me, to the point i had enough and set some boundary. After 1 month till now 2 months , i wont let my mil carry baby lol. I will just say i dont need help. Esp when my husband is around. And since my Maternity leave havent end, i bring my baby to my mum’s everyday. Thats how much i wanted to avoid her, since im staying with in laws. Until now, i am very resentful towards my mil and just hated whenver she carry baby pretending shes the most loved grandma towards my baby lol But not to worry, baby knows whos the mother. Cause now my baby always smile at me and “talks” alot. Maybe slowly you can step up to her and say you want to do it, be it feeding, carrying baby etc, once you feel better physically. And main thing is to communicate with your husband, cause it helps for me. Tell him youre unhappy about it.

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Mummy, I also went through the same feelings, especially during the confinement days. But for myself I chose to just keep it all in, and till now I still feel the same way towards my MIL whenever she is around my baby (my baby just turned 1). If I look back now, I wished I had placed my foot down more and did what I wanted to do more. Like you, alot of times my family told me to go rest, while they handled baby. I also had to pump every 2 hours. So that meant that everyone else got to bond with baby except me. I felt so sad and cried so often. I also cried when baby didn't seem to look at me or smile at me. Your baby will eventually know who is mama, not to worry about that. But to make your earlier days happier, I would urge you to let your MIL know of your preference, or tell your husband to drop some hints. At the end of the day, you are the mother, you should decide how you want to look after baby, and others should respect that. Otherwise, this issue of "fighting" for baby's attention will just continue on through the months and early years. ❤️

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Well, i guess mil just cares for the baby. Don't worry. I'm in the same boat as you. But just that, i only allow myself, my husband and my family to take care of my baby. Nobody else! Who cares if my mil thinks i'm controlling. It's my baby. So, i have my rights! I had a tiff with my husband during the first two weeks of my confinement period. I didn't care so much about his or his family's feelings. I only care about mine and my baby. You see, before you give birth, people around you cared for you. But when you gave birth, people look forward to your baby and not you nor your feelings. What is rest when you just want to be close to your baby after he/she is born. Cheer up mummy! 😊

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My MIL offered to "help" as well. But pick the easy and fun tasks like playing with baby. But when need to change diapers all those, suddenly cannot. Roll eyes.. So I insisted that I didn't need ANY help. I rather sacrifice sleep. When baby sleeps, I do housework. When baby is awake, I handle him alone. Because I'm stubborn. Just wanna show her that I can do it and don't need her lame help. 😛 End up she back off because she got no excuse to help anymore.

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2mo ago

LOL. My MIL cannot tahan also. She likes to snatch baby from me but she can't hold him for long because he's so heavy. End up she will give up if he doesn't fall asleep quick enough or if he starts wailing. Then she'll throw back to me. I consider this a win. 😆

Me too. My MIL took my baby to slp with her on the 2nd night. And when she cries at night without letting me calm her down. And also for milk. I was so sad cause i wannna be with my baby esp on the sleeping nights. I ended up doing direct latch and end up bby always with me.She would also take baby wen baby cries murder while i try to calm baby. Eventhou she cant calm baby. I end up taking it back. Now i only gv baby for short playtime with her (:

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yea u should just tell ur MIL to help with other tasks, if not u dun need her help. if i have to continue to do other dirty work while my mil get to bond with baby, then i rather not get any help and do everything myself! i can get tired but at least i get to bond with my baby.

Think u need to stand firm on certain things. Like you will the only person feeding the baby. Maybe you can assign her tasks too, like getting something from the market while you play with baby. Rmb, thick skin makes you invincible 🤣

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3mo ago

Ure obviously burnt out. Speak your husband regarding it. Ask him to manage his mom. Or consider getting a pt nanny instead of. It’s either you suck it up or voice out to your mil or find other substitute. Good luck!

get a helper and let the helper do the dirty jobs while you bond with the baby. the resentment can go on forever, and if you don't do anything about it, time will pass very fast, and the baby will grow up quickly.