How to ask friends to not bring their children along when visiting a newborn?

Hi guys, so perhaps a weird yet sensitive post seeking advice: if friends want to visit your newborn baby, how do you tell them to not bring their children along when visiting? The issue I have is that the friend's kids (a 5yr old and a 3.5 yr and) are extremely badly behaved and disrespectful and their parents are fully aware and accepting of this behavior. Whenever I don't want them (the kids) to do something in my home, I'll tell them to stop it in front of their parents. The kids completely ignore me and their mother just laughs about it. Case in point: a few weeks ago, the 5yr old boy comes to the side of the couch where I'm sitting (I'm heavily pregnant) and starts vigorously jumping. I ask him to stop and sit down, he looks at his mother, shakes his head indicating he won't stop, and continues to jump on my couch. His mother laughs and does nothing. There are other despicable things that this 5yr boy does as well... He recently tried to stick his had in my shirt when we visited them, on a more recent occasion he stripped naked in my home the last time they visited us then sat on my sofa and started playing with his penis. Again, all this was done in the presence of his mother who again just laughed it off and did nothing to stop or correct that behavior. It's gotten to the point where it really makes my uneasy with having him around me - let alone anywhere close to my baby. His parents stated that they want to visit us after the baby is here and I don't want to ruin the friendship. How do I ask them to not bring their children without hurting the parents' feelings?

6 Replies

it's a tough position to be in. perhaps something along the lines of, for the first few months for newborn and mother well-being. the home is an adult only zone. being a mom herself perhaps your friend maybe understanding that in the 4th trimester, your priority is gaining back your strength and adjusting to a new life with a new born. so to make it easy, just adults visiting for an hr so that u can focus and attuned to your baby's feeding, sleeping routine. as a parent, you have every right to put yours and your family needs first before hospitality. if your friend is a true friend she will understand the support and understanding that a new mom needs from her love ones. I hope this helps! all the best =)

I have told all my friends and auntie uncles not to visit me in hospital or the first month. largely due to Covid as well. I even rejected meeting up with a 20yr family friend who already bought tickets and wanted to fly in for my bday + delivery next month. My baby comes first and if they are real friends, they will not take offence to any of that. Just politely decline and meet up outside when you feel like you are ready to do that.

i mean, hard to tell them not to bring their kids, so i'll probably ask them not to come too. I'll probably use current covid situation as an excuse, and say "thanks for your thoughts, but I'm not accepting any visits at the moment to protect my newborn. thank you for your understanding".

This is happening because his parents condone his behaviour. If it were me, I would not want these friends over. I’d probably tell them that I’m still adjusting to motherhood and we can meet outside for brunch or something when I’m ready.

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I think instead of telling them to not bring the kid, just refuse their visit in a nice way. Or say due to covid you do not accept guest to see the baby.

why are you even still friends with this kind of people.

It's complicated. I don't like their parenting style or approach, but it's not my place to criticise that. We've been friends before their kids and before moving to Singapore. When it's just the adults, they're decent people... That being said, I do feel that the friendship will probably be ruined because I refuse to have their children around my baby for the first few months of my child's life.

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