Post Partum Depression

Ang hirap din pala magkimkim. I know nakikita nyo ko post ko dito. Just struggles no concrete stuff. I just hope sa mga nakakakilala sakin to not share any as this is my last hope of venting out what I've been keeping for myself since I've discovered I've been cheated on. (Or still being, I'm afraid). I usually do not open my H's phone. I'm that trusting. Then one time, I decided to open it, voila I read the texts. Mga I love you, bilin, filthy texts, usapang s--, and the girl knows my H is married. Living with us. I can't forget he even mentioned at 4 am while he said he was on an OT that "wait baby kunin ko lang baon ko" which I was unknowingly cooking for someone who I thought was just going to work. Girl replied sige, dalian mo. To note, my husband and I call each other baby too. I wept. I cried. I died that day. He said he felt free. While here at home he felt imprisoned He admitted when I asked. Blamed my shortcomings, said I was never really there and he never really saw us (pati si LO) in his future. But I clearly read in the texts "I wanna make you a mommy" to the teenager. Yes this was a teenager. 18-19 as I remember. As she even agreed that they need to regulate their "dates" since this "shit " (my discovery, per my H's words) happened. I am torn. I remember the words. I remember her sending my H a photo of her "stomach" raised shirt almost to the chest. Like a tease. I live it as a nightmare. I discovered receipts. Gas, dinner out, food, flowers, request ni girl na mag Victoria court, pabili ng milk tea, cream cheese---they even had a joke the girl did not like my husband's "unauthentic" milk cheese". To the pain I still see all those I my head. He said he may love the girl. He has never said I love you to me after I discovered the affair. They were fucking each other atleast once a week, and it became more frequent if I based it on the texts. We are heavy on debt, our car was used for this, that car was first family car. Yung mga pinabaon ko di nakakain kasi may iba na pala kinain si mister. Haha. ?Ang sakit. I feel ashamed but what can I do. I can't tell the world. That won't save us. I might delete it later on, I just really want to let it out because I already feel like dying everyday. The anxiety meds and anti-depressants don't work anymore. He admitted he had other affairs before. Said sorry. Took a while for him to come to his senses (or so I thought). We were updating. Each other. He came home on time more than ever. Then after some time, here we go again. I saw something again. Now I don't know if all his effort is just a facade. Or an effort that is true but is being defeated by the urge to cheat. Im almost sure the recent proof I saw was legit as f! Pero pagod na ako magconfront. I just wish sometimes I can disappear without worries for my kid. I don't want the pain anymore. I want justice, but it seems like it can never be served. Ayun lang. Marami naman gaya ko dito but the pain never decreases with the thought of those families ruined by infidelity. It makes me sadder that there are people willing to break families apart for God knows a temporary thing. I love him to death now means differently. It's just myself, dying for this love that he might not want after all.

Anonymous

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Magsulat ng reply

Praying for you, Mommy. It's really a dilemma lalo na't married kayo. If I were in your shoes I think hindi ko rin alam gagawin ko, honestly. I may be brave enough para gawin yung sinasabi ng iba na kung kaya ko namang buhayin yung baby ko ng mag-isa, without his help, then go. Pero our marriage with our partners is a covenant. It's something that no one and nothing should separate not the two people anymore but "one". It's really hard esp. in this generation na kung saan okay nalang makipaghiwalay. Pero iniisip pa rin natin na ayaw natin maging part ng broken family yung baby natin kasi alam nating hindi madali. But you know what, I've known someone na nagcheat din sa kanya yung partner nya and because of their kids kaya di nya nagawang iwanan yung husband nya. But what she did, instead na gantihan or hiwalayan, she still do what a wife should do to her husband. Pinagluluto pa rin nya, inihahanda yung mga damit pag papasok, etc. Typical things that wives should do to their husbands. The only difference is that, parang may cold war. Hindi na tulad ng dati yung usapan nila. Hindi sya naging nagging wife kahit may karapatan sya. Hindi nya sinusumbatan yung partner nya. Mas takot kasi ang lalake pag silent ang babae. Mas ayaw nila yung mabunganga. But yun nga, it seems na out of obligation nalang yung mga ginagawa nya and of course for her kids. Nung narinig ko yun, dalaga pa ko. Naisip ko na, parang di ko kaya yun. Ako na yung agrabyado ako pa yung magpapakababa. But we may not know kung pano kikilos ang Lord sa buhay natin. Tulad ng sa kanila, bumalik sa kanya yung husband nya at di na ulit nagcheat. Kasi naramdaman nung husband nya yung totoong love sa kanya because of what she did. And ngayon, they are both senior citizens, it's as if, they were still madly in love with each other. It may seem degrading for us, pero what God has promised is that He gives grace to the humble, itinataas Niya yung mga nagpapakumbaba. And also, I think, what she did is not just martyrdom, kasi pure naman yung purpose ng heart nya. She acknowledged their marriage and gave importance sa family nila. I just felt and believed the real definition of love - that it is patient, kind, is not jealous, does not brag, not arrogant, not rude, not selfish, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. In short, it's unconditional. Again, it may seem degrading on your part but I believe if we keep our hearts right before the Lord, He will act on our behalf. Just allow Him to. It may not as soon as possible as we wanted but God knows what, how, and when to answer our prayers. Maniwala ka lang, Mommy. I'll include you in my prayers.

Magbasa pa

Ghie

5y ago

Ang sarap basahin ❤️

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Home Random Talk ang hirap din pala magkimkim i know nakikita nyo ko post ko dito struggles c