MIL Rant -.-

When I was pregnant, I used to scroll through this forum and read stories of horrible MILs with my husband. My MIL had taken good care of me while I was pregnant, but after reading those stories I did speak with my husband of my expectations once I've given birth and the boundaries to set for my MIL, even though she seems nice and generous. Now that I've given birth, goodness gracious. I can't help but feel so affected by everything she says and does. First few times, I could still close one eye and one ear. But as the days go by, there must always be something wrong with the way I choose to handle my baby. It's either I'm holding or carrying him wrongly, or I'm swaddling him wrongly, etc. I cannot stand when she pulls out the old wives tales of not kissing certain parts of the body because the child will grow up stubborn, naughty, whatever nonsense. Like, make it make sense??? Also since she's so old school, she had so much to say when she saw me doing tummy time with my baby. She was almost livid but I was steadfast and told her it was okay and safe, but she didn't agree. And also questioning why I'm using the visual cards and whether they are even useful for baby. And what is privacy anymore when she walks in and out of my personal bedroom when I've half naked breastfeeding my baby? And all these within two weeks of giving birth. I don't know how to handle more weeks of this since I'll serving my full 44 days confinement and I'm not even halfway through. I'm scared I'll start being mean and disrespectful as time goes by. Our plan was that she will take care of my baby once my ML ends, but I'm thinking twice now. I've spoken to my husband and he says that he will talk to her, but I worry he'll say the wrong things and end up creating more friction between the both of us. Not exactly searching for any advise per say as I know it's different for different people. But I just need to rant before I go mad 🤬😪

Anonymous

4 Replies

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HUGSSSS HUGSSS AND HUGSSSS. Having a village is one thing but the boundary lines need to be bolded and respected. What ure feeling is fair and valid. Im sorry but i really feel the same way and i nipped it in the bud but so many disadvantages afterwards.🤕 Personally I wouldn't trust my own mother to take care of my baby (also she never offered), what else my mother in law(looking at her kids obv and figuring out what went wrong) but also difference in generation and parenting styles. But how then?! For me I sucked it up, quit my job, living on one tiny income ( housing, insurance, retirement burn), cook and clean harder than three helpers combined, full time childcare at home too with no confinement etc etc etc. Its worth it but there will be consequences looming in the future. Our economy and times have changed but i put my baby first. If u think u can manage i would say its possible but very short lived. Maybe go back to work and baby in school full time so lesser mil involvement. But alot of cons also. Anyways the best is ive moved out of the house and baby and i only have to see her once or twice a year so whew. No toxic grandparenting for nowww. At least husband can talk back to his parents if our child kena bully by his parents recently. But s*** can happen will happen la. Im living on a very exhausted high all by myself but i think its worth it. Theres no way my baby will get hurt emotionally, psychologically or physically by her grandparents ever. Breaking the generational cycle😞😞 I hope ure gonna be okay. Lots of 💕

Anonymous

2w ago

Right??! We just come from different generations. Our generation does a lot more reading and research whereas theirs was based on what their mums and grandmothers told them. I hope I could be a SAHM like you sis, but I'm currently earning way more than my husb. If I were to quit we wouldn't be able to survive. I'm just counting the days till I get my own house (which is in 3 years 😪) but I really can't wait for that day. Thanks for sharing your rant too sis. Hope everything has gotten better for you on your end! 💕

I went thru the exact thing!!!! I gave birth 6 months ago. Especially during confinement. Very rabak. And the first thing she ask me when visit in hosp, why i cannot give birth naturally. And kept asking me thruout my confinement (mine was e-csect). Very old school to them we need to do whatever that they do. They are just stuck in their olden times Esp about tummy time cannot lah this cannot that cannot. I just take it as last time old people not educated. Trust me, it’ll get WORSEEEEE. Especially is shes the one taking care of your Lo. You dont want to know what she’ll be doing behind your back, like giving baby water ? Feeding honey? Like olden days people do. MIL really really need to put boundaries dont care you end up mean or rude. Its your baby. And totally relatable abt mil kept coming into the room! When im pregnant and just gave birth i also thought wanted my mil to take care. But after what ive been thru, i straight away apply for ifc. Now i dont even care im rude, who cares. And most importantly, your husband HAS to be on your side. Its a game over when he’s on his mother’s side.

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Anonymous

1w ago

LOL ITS ALWAYS LIKE THAT. Rant to them no use like talking to wall. No change no productivity no result

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