12 Replies
I cheated on my partner about a year ago. He doesn't know about it, and I'm hoping that he never finds out. I love him, and I never did it to hurt him. Looking back, I think I did it because I felt lonely. He was really busy at work and it felt like he didn't have time for me anymore, and our sex life had dwindled to almost nothing. A colleague showed me some attention and it made me feel wanted. We only slept together a few times before I put a stop to it...I feel guilty to this day and I know it would destroy him if he ever found out about it. At this point, I think confessing what happened wouldn't benefit anyone, so I'm planning on bringing this to the grave. In short, it was just loneliness. I missed feeling wanted. I regret it - it isn't worth the guilt.
It could be anything from Adventure, thrill of doing something secretly, gaining self confidence (extra love?), libido mismatch with existing partner, temporary cold war among couples, finding opportunity with that hot person whom you can have but cant own..cheating has existed since relationships came into being and is seen with different lens for different genders, religion and cultures. Mankind has experimented with all social models from legalizing paid sex, polygamy, having concubines....urge to mate with more partners may also have to do with theory of evolution and biological nature. One must remember the world of relationships is never black & white but shades of grey! http://fusion.net/story/151773/women-sex-partners-dating-study/
I've never cheated - but was countlessly cheated on simply because I was never there. Not that I was always away, but it could be the 10 - 20 minutes that I left him to go and shower and he would be on the phone texting another girl. Or he could be on the way to pick me up from work and yet at the same time going into chatrooms to find other women. He just needed someone to be around him 24/7 which is impossible for me and when our son came into our life and took up much of my time, he started having affairs.
@Anonymous that's pretty awful - if you found someone like that, surely the decent, human thing to do would be to break up with your existing partner before you go and pursue that hotter, sexier, or smarter person. Being cheated on can totally screw up a person's ability to trust and their ability to have a healthy, functional, romantic relationship. If you loved someone enough to be with them, the least you can do is spare them that pain and humiliation.
I think people cheat in the absence of a crucial element in their relationship - be it love, attention, affection, the feeling of being needed etc. Nevertheless these are simply not excuses for infidelity, and I believe that those who cheat are those who are unable to be honest and upfront about their actual feelings not only to their partner, but are unable to be honest with themselves as well.
I think when people cheat, it's mostly because they crave attention. Or they could simply be missing the feeling of being wanted. For example, when someone finds them attractive, they tend to want to "chase that opportunity" which will eventually lead to affairs. I think it all boils down to lack of affection and sexual intimacy.
Apart from the common reasons I've heard, for novelty, for sex, for love even.. I think one motivating factor behind cheating is when the person thinks he/she can get away with it. That the "offender" will not get caught. The act of cheating is a conscious choice and I think there is no excuse for it.
If I find someone beautiful again, someone hotter, someone even sexier, or damn smarter - that'd be when I'd cheat someone. Practically, if it's not more worth than my current partner, what's the point? Unless you're sex-addict or have a goal to date 1000 girls/guys.
My reason to cheat would be me and only me... I really don't seem to find a reason to blame anyone else... Cheating cannot be wrt someone else. Like I read somewhere-one cheats not to find a new partner but to find a new 'Self'! :)
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