Mums, how do you refrain from comparing your kids? I find it tough to not say things like "Look at your brother, he reads so much, you haven't picked up a book in ages".

My take is that some degree of competition or comparison between siblings is healthy. The main thing I would take note of is not to always put a particular child down. Recognize the strength of each child and play to each one’s advantage at various points. For example, have a reading competition and see who can read the most number of books in a week. Praise both children for their efforts (regardless who won) but give more credit to the one who read more. Have another contest that would be to the other’s child’s advantage (based on your child’s strength). Children, especially siblings, learn from one another and could benefit from such healthy competition. As for the common everyday comparison between children about their behaviours, sometimes it is inevitable as children have different personalities. What Diana suggested is great. I would add on to say that instead of comparing between two children, compare to yourself or daddy. Children love to model after their parents and it could be a great way to motivate them.

I try my best to avoid comparing my 2 kids, by focusing on what they do, instead of their behaviours (lazy, naughty, bad, cheeky and etc.). If you focus on the behaviour you will end up comparing them. For your example on reading books, you can tell your kid: would you like to read some books since you have not reading for some times already? When my no.1 refused to eat, I will tell him, you need to eat more to grow healthy, instead of why you so picky on food and look at your brother he eats more than you.

it's a constant thing that i need to remind myself and my husband. i guess comparing our kids comes naturally to us, but it can be really damaging for the kids. i have come to realize that all kids have some difference in their personalities, even when they are siblings and brought up with the same values and the same people. instead of comparing, i try to enhance the positives they have, appreciate them for those, and try to help them get better at what they may lack, without comparing.

thanks

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