Just a random musing, most people say having baby can save a failing relationship. I have never been able to understand this. Is it true, does that work?

13 Replies
 profile icon
Write a reply

Having a baby does bring a lot of happiness and joy to the household! As parents we work towards a common goal - to nurture and bring our child up under the most loving environment possible. With it also comes a lot of other sacrifices. We start to sleep less, fuss more, have irregular meals, life gets more hectic; basically our lives get turned upside down. And as children brought up in different families with different values and beliefs, we will also have differences in the values of bringing up a kid. Having said so, all these leads to increased irritability and friction between the couple leading to an increase in little quarrels. It takes effort to reconcile the differences, and also a lot of communication is required on the parents' part to align their directions. All these conscious actions require a solid foundation in your relationship to work. Thus I do not think that having a baby would save a relationship. I think couples should work on their marriage first in case any innocent parties get implicated should they decide to split at the end.

Read more

I hear this too! From the elderly right? haha If it is, I see their point because most of them stay at home and want to add a bit a joy in the house. A baby no doubt brings the family closer cos there is a lot of attention needed. However, if as a woman, you don't feel too maternal, then you need to ask yourself more questions. Does hubby want kids too? Is the reason cos you no longer have anything in common and feel bored? eg: My mum had me cos she felt bored at home and she wanted company because my dad travelled alot. A newborn will change your marriage, it's not all rainbows and sunshine, but it's also not a downhill spiral either. :) Here's an article that talks about how a marriage will change after having a baby: https://sg.theasianparent.com/ways-marriage-will-change-right-baby/

Read more
VIP Member

Well, it really depends. I do not think a baby should be a pawn to the marriage (i.e. using the baby to see if the marriage is strengthened). In the first place, if the couple has distanced from each other, it means there is a lack of communication and a baby is just going to add to the mess. A baby does bring joy and happiness, but both parties have to first be able to stand up the responsibility of having a baby, PLUS it would be a blessing for the baby to be born to parents with a strong relationship, and a misfortune should the relationship worsen due to the birth of the baby. Therefore, the couple should first go for couples counselling to iron out their problems and save their relationship before considering a baby.

Read more

Disagree strongly. A newborn brings tons of challenges. Sleep deprivation, post natal woes, financial toll, etc. All this, couple with factors that the couple would be tired and irritable from the lack of sleep can take a huge toll on the marriage. I am one good example - less than a month after my son was borned, I filed for divorce for infidelity.

Read more
5y ago

May I ask why did you decide to divorse?

Maybe yes in the begining but not in the long run unless one party is willing to give in to the other party because of the kids.... sorry i have to disagree as that doesn't work in most cases. i have seen friends divorce although they have kids. i think the kids are innocent and it affect them in one way or another.....

Read more
5y ago

Yes, i second the same thought as u

TapFluencer

I think i will have to disagree. Having a baby takes alot of hardwork n commitment. Its as if u r gambling. Wat if after having a baby,it still doesnt work out? Its not about you nw,its also abt the baby. I will always encourage others to go counselling 1st. From there u can see how it goes..

no, it brings happiness and joy to the parent as an individual, but not to a couple who are already not happy with each other. in fact, having a baby during such a scenario is the worst thing to do, as the baby ends up being pulled between the parents and made a pawn.

Well its a way. But like every solutions there isnt a guaranteed that nothing else will go wrong or right. I guess if both are willing to take a step back and put themselves into each other shoes.. i am sure there be some room to improve

Depends on the definition of 'failing'.. I would suggest going for counselling first if the relationship is bad as you may face more struggles handling a baby if there is a separation in the picture.

doesn't at all... and it is highly unfair to the kids, as they end up becoming the pawns in the entire relationship that has already gone bad