How to forgive my cheating husband

I'm lost and depressed after discovering my husband of 17yrs had cheated on me during his overseas work trip recently. At first i found out he went those KTV with hostess due to business needs. I was so upset that he didnt confessed, he sweared there is no sexual engagement or any intimacy during 2-3 visits. I convinced myself ans forgave him. Somehow i feel that he is overly remorseful over this KTV incident and seems to be hiding more. I saw his search history those called girls/hookers during the days he was overseas and even checked for "risk of getting HIV with protected sex". I confronted him and he refused to admit at first, he finally owned up after being countered by my questionings and slapping. I'm thinking of getting a divorce cos this is not his first time betraying my trust. 10yrs ago, he had an affair and i chose to forgive him as my daughter was still young. During these 10yrs, my wound is not fully healed but he has become a better husband and father and i gave birth to my younger boy. In many people's eyes, we are a happy family of 4. Our marriage life have been wonderful. I never expect he will betray me again after 10yrs and i'm very deeply hurt. He told me he is really remorseful for this and beg me not to divorce with him and give him a final chance. I dont know if i can still continue my life with him as the images of him and the hooker keep replaying. I tell myself just go for divorce but i have no confident if i can handle my kids without him by my side. Anyone here with similar experience can share some advice? What will be your decision if you are in my shoe? Thank you.

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You can choose not to divorce ONLY if you can move on in life without being paranoia if he is out on business trips and being able to trust him completely and not bringing the topic up in the event of argument… The person who first did wrong usually will reflect remorse at the very moment they are caught which is common..moreover if you all are always seen as happy family, he would I technically not want to be labelled as a “cheating husband” if you guys were to announce the divorce and him being the reason of the divorce…so you decide whether if he is really remorseful given the fact that you already experienced once bitten twice shy… My mum always tell me divorce is very common nowadays because women nowadays are much stronger and independent., and co parenting can happen without staying together .. but probably just move out with the children first to take the time to slowly think .. Same thing happened to my friend and she didn’t have the courage to divorce, end up she is in living hell everyday and became paranoid and checking on his phone.. eventually her husband got so pissed and wasn’t even afraid of mentioning his affair because she kept giving in to him… Sometimes , it’s about having the courage to take the first step out. and I am pretty sure it’s not easy being single parent but eventually once everything starts to fall in place, things will run smoothly and you will be thankful for a stronger and much more independent self .. Jiayou and stay strong for your children! ❤️

It depends on what’s your bottom line. For me, cheating is a no. If he loved you and the family enough, he wouldn’t have cheated on you regardless 10 years ago or now. My bil cheated on my sister twice during their marriage and despite asking for a last chance just 2 years back, he cheated again a few months back. It takes a cheater to stop a cheater (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking you to cheat. It’s just that I feel you’re probably not the one that would make him change for good judging from what he has done to you.) Do you have any family members you can turn to for assistance? Like to help out with your kids while you work or when you need to leave work later on certain days. End of the day, please make the decision for yourself and not for your kids. It will be hard, but you’ll brave thru this. I personally didn’t forgive my mum for cheating on my dad (thrice) and im glad he found someone better for him.

I would also divorce him, don’t stay just because of your kids. My dad cheated on my mum and I’m glad she found the courage to leave him. It’ll be hard initially but better now than being hurt every time you get reminded of it… and he might just cheat again too. Stay strong!

if I were you, I would divorce him because he betrayed me again. but I think if you really love him, then go for marriage counselling

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