Sad

Im a first time mum.. I had normal delivered 2days ago to a bby girl.. It was a traumatic event for me at the delivery ward, had a 3 degree tear inside not only outside and i lost a lots of blood ? had to go for operation theatre because of big tear inside.. At that point of time i thought i would die at the delivery ward due to lost blood and not see my bby girl.. It was definitely the most scariest day of my life.. And now its been 3 days i havent hold my bby because i have to lie flat in bed, they need to transfer blood in me ?