Get A Helper Or Be A SAHM?

I have 2 children and a full time job. I went back to work after maternity leave for my first child, and because my job’s really tough, sometimes I hardly saw her. When I got home at night (for 6 months of being a working mum), I would cuddle her and let her breastfeed for as long as she wanted, and during the night too. I missed her a lot while I was at work and relied on photos/videos sent to me. Of course, breastfeeding through the night meant I was always tired at work too, as I still continued to go early to pump milk, and carve out time through the day to pump, sometimes skipping proper meals. Missing milestones was hard, but getting through work days when my baby was sick at home was even harder. Another thing about her was that she rejected bottle feeding terribly for the first month, and would rather starve till I got home. That was heartbreaking. One of the hardest things for me was when I decided to stop breastfeeding. My husband had weaned her off night feeds and she slept through the night at about 11 months old, so she didn’t need to latch on when I got home anymore. I cried the last time I fed her, because I knew I would miss that bond with her, although I could rest more. Thereafter, I gradually had to get used to new roles I played as her mother — friend, counsellor, mediator— as she grew up. She got used to me working a lot, but I always tried to make full use of the time we had together. My first child loves me a lot and although she occasionally mentions she wants me to stay with her and not work, most of the time she’s very supportive, and welcomes me home excitedly when I’m back. I’m doing something differently with my second child. I’m currently on no pay leave, and planning to do so for some months. The past few months of being a fulltime mum has been crazy, tiring but so fulfilling! I will need to go back to work eventually, and it’s also not my personality to physically stay at home all the time, but I’m happy to make some sacrifices during this period because I feel this time with my baby and toddler is so precious, and I’ll never be able to have it again. Guess what? Baby #2 also refuses the bottle. Lol. So I’m glad my husband and I have more time to do bottle training and sleep training, etc, before I eventually go back to work. Sorry for the long post, but essentially, whether you choose to be a SAHM or working mum, it’s difficult both ways, and also fulfilling both ways. Whichever you choose, you can still be an awesome mum to your baby! I’ve had a lot of mum-guilt as a working mum, but I’m grateful my elder child has already reminded me time and again that there’s no need for it:) All the best to you!