8 Replies
Not that I am a proponent of getting a divorce, but I think it’s really pertinent for you to consider if your children growing up under your current circumstance, or will they be better off with just you or your husband. Sometimes, growing up in a dysfunctional home may not be the best choice. Everyone hopes to bring their child up in a happy household. Hence, the main question, perhaps, would be: is your family functional now? Growing up in a functional family is important for healthy emotional and mental wellbeing of a child. What you could consider doing is to seek advice from your loved ones and approach a counselor for a neutral third party view. Consider your options carefully. Could things be worked out between you and your husband? Have you tried speaking to him and what were his responses? Does he recognize this as an issue and is willing to put in effort to help build the family? Other considerations would be whether you have the resources and support if you were to separate from your husband? The main question (in my personal opinion) would still be: is your family functional?
Sounds exactly like my ex-husband! My ex-husband manipulates the people around him, potrays himself in such a goody goody shoes, lies as and when he pleases and does whatever he wants. On top of that I am supposed to be "backing him" up even if he's wrong. He cheats on me too, and when caught he tells the entire world that I "forced" him too because of my "bad temper and attitude" (I was pregnant then just given birth). If I try to arrange for counselling, he says its a waste of money and accuses me of calling him mental when that word has never ever came out from my mouth. I eventually applied for divorce and have never been happier. I have 2 kids but I think strongly for their own sake, it's better for them not to see us fight. Luckily for me, my in-laws are very supportive of me. I don't have to tell them what sort of person he is; they can judge for themselves when they are older.
I'm so sorry to hear about this! I went through something with an ex, before having kids. I'd lay there at night crying, feeling helpless and thinking that there wasn't a way out. It took me a long time to realise that I wasn't trapped and that I should have never felt obliged to stay in a relationship. Obviously with children, it's a lot harder and I understand your worry about a broken home, but at the end of the day, if you are not happy, then it won't be a "happy home" for you or your kids. I come from a "broken home" and I've always known that my parents made the right decision to split. This is something that you need to discuss with your husband, he needs to know how you feel!
Have you spoken to him about his controlling ways? It would be good to speak up when dealing with control freaks, but don’t tell them what to do. It only fuels them further -- be healthily assertive instead. Take a consistent, targeted approach. Control freaks are always looking for a power struggle, so try not to feed into their ways. If it gets too hard, maybe consider talking to a counsellor? I always find talking to a complete outsider (in this case, one with the credentials) helps.
If you feel that your marriage doesn't work and you can't fix it in any way, you definitely should move on from the relationship. Staying together will just prolong the exposure of negativity to your children. Handle the separation peacefully and try to diffuse any conflicts that may come up. Ultimately, focus on giving happiness and stability to your children if you want only what is best for them.
No matter what the circumstance, I believe that we are all stronger than we think especially when it comes to life altering decisions. I wish you the best in this situation. Hope this helps. http://ph.theasianparent.com/when-you-are-in-an-unhappy-marriage-and-have-children/
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thanks