Hubby often ROARED at my 2yo & at me too! And many many things going wrong with him!

My hubby is an extremely MCP, loves face very much and a tyrant but i thought he would change after I had a baby. Yet nothing changed after we got married and worst instead, he became more & more aggressive towards my baby & me too. All real happening scenarios: 1) He roared damn loudly several times at home at my baby (now a toddler) who was noisy in the middle of wee hours (2am) and my neighbours all opened windows to see what happened. He also kicked very hard on the toddler’s play gate until it dented and threw things in front of my girl when she’s only 1 year old. Even till now & then, in fact he just did that again once yesterday only. My girl is very fearful of him whenever he roars now. 2) Back then, my 2yo kid is crying & getting fussy as any other kids that one fine day in the car. He was driving 100km initially but suddenly he accelerated to 120km then purposely stepped an e-brake in the middle of expressway, both my kid & I weren’t on seat belt so we fell forward abruptly due to the sudden e-brake, he said did this on purpose to make my girl stopped crying and even roared at us loudly like a madman in the car, then my girl felt so fearful and started to cry after that because of his loud roaring voice. 3) he 100% expected and required me to cook regularly, clean the house neatly and maintain the home a super tidy place. But I told him after taking care of our highly active girl daily, I really have no time & any energy left (depletes every bit) to do much, not even rest or sleep as well. Every night I can’t sleep coz kid wakes up so frequently somemore. I told him that with a kid sure they house will be messy but he insisted the house must be clean at all times which I told him it’s quite impossible. He just can’t stand the toys all around the place. 4) he also told me to stop giving my mum any allowance since I am not working anymore but I think it’s not filially right coz my mum has been taking care of my child whenever she & I are out. And because I have a child I have already gave up working to take care of our child now. This is how he repays my mum for everything she has done for my current family. 5) I explained a lot of things to his sister but to my surprise she didn’t side with reasons but instead sided her brother based on kinship. So she told me to give in to her brother. And even told me to go out & work to help him financially. But when she, my mil & hubby wants me to get pregnant previously, all told me don’t work at all, better stay at home & conceive. Now they already used me to bear them a kid, financially my hubby can’t sustain anymore, now she expected me to go out to work part-time & also take care of my girl at the same time. 6) hubby is acting very weird during these 3 years. For example, he asked me if the car in front is smaller or his car is smaller? I replied him saying the car in front was smaller than ours but don’t know what happened he got super angry immediately and started to quarrel badly. He said that means his car (ours) is not big that’s why I commented the car in front is smaller lah?! Something is wrong with him really. 7) I had my last birthday celebration 3 years ago with my maternal side. That day my bro who loves to joke as usual asked my hubby casually why he never buys me a birthday gift? Suddenly my hubby stood us and got angry. He told me my bro was mocking at him for being unable to get me a present. I told him straight that my bro was only joking. And also told my bro minutes later beside me as well. But my hubby insisted my bro was actually looking down on him. Then ended up quarreling over the meal and all got very upset. 8) 3 years ago - Hubby was having a 2-weeks reservist, so I asked my mum to come over my place to help me take care of my newborn back then. When he got home finally on the last day of his reservist, his black turned black instantly when my mum was carrying our newborn baby and she was so considerate knowing he must be very tired & dirty coming back from camp, so she advised him to go take a shower first. Somehow he got super angry right away and asked me to go into the bedroom. He told me my mum really don’t know how to behave (buay zi dong) because he thinks my mum should let him carry the baby once she saw him back at the door. I told him then if he wants to carry our newborn he can just tell her directly and I am sure my mum will definitely let him carry at all means. But he said my mum should know it by right even he didn’t say anything. I think he’s very unreasonable. 9) hubby stopped people (relatives) and me for buying toys & apparels. He kept saying the house has got of toys and clothes already, very messy and he hated this kind gesture to whomever is gifting or buying them (including me & my mum too). Many times he will secretly tidy the house & threw our things away without asking for my permission. I am extremely upset and want to cry but I have no one to help me or do anything about my situation. Pls tell me what should I do with such a bad hubby? Now he often threatens me with a divorce, I fully regret marrying such a spouse really but I don’t know what to do coz we have a child now. I heard if we divorce the child’s custody will be his. Thanks to reply ASAP.

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I always told my husband want quarrel or shout don't shout infront of LO. I really don't like. Sometimes my child play too much scream at mid night even the next day we need to work and need to wake up at 5.30am. Is he stress at work? During confinement my husband business still unstable so I understand he will bad mood most of the time. But I also stress and keep cry during the night time somemore no one I could talk to. Did you told your parents about it? Have you think before what happen after divorce? I mean I will think for the child first but I also understand if a husband don't seem to understand. But did the two of you sit down and talk?

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4y ago

True. If I'm you I will leave. Chance given, give in so many times. Just let go? You are holding spikes. But custody will be his? You can fight for it. If you really planning to leave, try to record what he has done to you and your child. Driving part is super danger, my husband also like this when ever driving quarrel in car he likes to drink up to 100km/h then right red light and brake so hard. I told my mum about it and she told me driving guy temper damn bad. Buay tahan 😔

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I suggest you find a counselor to talk to. Though in my experience, such men will never change and you should think put yourself and your kids first before things escalate. Stay safe and sending you lots of love and positivity.

3y ago

It’s hard to hear but you need to weigh what is more important, the safety and well-being of yourself and your child or putting yourselves in danger to stick with this man. Time will heal the separation with this toxic person but nothing can heal if you put yourself and your child in harm’s way and something bad really happens to either of you. All the best.

VIP Member

Your hubby sounds like a 24/hr time bomb. Very sensitive & Self-imaginative. Please seek legal help soon. Its mentally exhausting to get along with him daily based on what you've mentioned above.

4y ago

U also agree he has some serious mental issues too like what we think (me, my mum, my bro, my sis and his sis) right??? Yah he’s exactly a 24/7 time-bomb, for several repeating times when I asked him something twice from some distance coz he didn’t reply so I thought he didn’t hear me, so I asked the 3rd time and suddenly he roared or shouted (depending on his mood at that time) like a madman again at me saying he can’t be bothered to answer me as he’s busy. But how do I know? He didn’t reply so to me I only thought he didn’t hear me, yet what I always get was his suddenly outburst of full rage.

VIP Member

I think alot of sign that your husband is putting you and the kids in danger. Seek your family help, kids should stay with you if you have earning power.

4y ago

So it’s true that if I don’t have any single earning power, the custody of my child be with his then? Even if I work, my salary will be miserable coz I am only an admin worker with no high qualifications, while he’s a degree holder with high flying career & profile. Yes indeed my hubby’s putting me in a lot of mental & physical stress. I am so lost and feel like really ending my life but for the sake of my poor child, I can’t give up on myself right now.

VIP Member

Sorry to hear about this. Maybe stay separately from him for some time. You might get a better view what to do next

4y ago

He is already a monster when he frighten both of you. Maybe he has underlyng mental issue. Please seek for proper legal advice or bring him to psychiatrist. I don't think court will give the baby to a mental guy plus in most case baby will stay with mother after parents divorce (PS: confirm this with legal personel). Do consider to return to workforce again. You can ask your mum help to take care of your little one for short duration. With a proper job, I'm sure there wouldn't be any issue for you to take care of baby alone. But what the mental guy will do next is really unpredictable. Be careful and take care yah. I pray for you and baby

VIP Member

seek for proper legal advice. no such thing as kids will surely be with him.

4y ago

I don’t know where to seek legal advice, do you know?

Consider if he has any underlying mental health issues.

4y ago

Or you can try call PAVE Www.pave.org.sg