is it okay for hubby to flirt with others?

Hubby and me are currently going through marriage counselling session. Why we went through these is because I found flirting messages that he sent with a woman and when I confronted him, he says that's all because I did not give him regular sex life and he is just venting out. No actions done. I agree, after pregnancy of my #1 and now with #2, I always felt tired and rejected him when he initiates. Or rather I originally have low sexual drive. Is that a reason of betrayal? He also says I have invaded his privacy which that's something that he cannot tolerate. I thought counselling can helps to make him understand he is wrong in that aspect for the messages and the most ridiculous thing is he told the woman he still not convinced our 2 year old son belongs to him. I wanted to do DNA to prove my innocence and give justice to my Son but he wanted to ask me pay first cos he does not have enough $. I often think why am I deserving such a treatment just because I did not attend to his sexual needs? Now my question is why will he think his is totally not at fault? I cannot rationale this and he told the counsellor the reason why he comes for the session is just want to see how the counsellor resolve my low sex drive issue and not to save the marriage for our differences and no trust? If my issue is settled, everything will be back to normal and he simply did not think on how bad I was hurt about the betrayal and injustice about doubting our Son is not his. I kind of helpless too cos I am 6 months pregnant with our Daughter now. If there is any daddy advice addressing my question will be appreciated too. Sorry for the lengthy post.

25 Replies
 profile icon
Write a reply

I share your situation for a low sex drive. My husband ALWAYS instict to me that men needs is a abt sex but he will remain ignorant abt the kids sch time, sickness, happiness and all other matter. Since i was pregnant the 1st til 3rd, he has never been there thruout the pregnancy except when he in need of sex. I went thru csect & went discharged ALONE, i swear. His idea of a husband is to work earn money and enjoy his needs. All other matter is the responsibilities of a wife. When our child was admitted to hospital, he never stay in or even visited coz his excuse was he has to work. But god is fair, last 2 year, when my son was admitted, he was caught having an affair with a pregnant woman. His reason is bcoz he just need someone to confide in when he is feeling down and that woman after confronted "taught" to fulfill my husband needs as a man. Such a humiliating episode. He goes sharing to almost everyone abt hw i was no longer sexual excited after my 1st child. We didnt go for that long. We did it once a week unless im pregnant coz im really tired having to care myself alone and all those pregnancy blues. Only recently he become physically abusive when i rejected him. He say any men will hit his wife when they didnt have their needs fulfill. If i were to married to another men, he wld too leave me. I was left with bruises and all. But after all the beatings, he wld still forced me for sex.

Read more
3y ago

Oh dear. Please get help and dont put yourself thru this if it gets too much. If not for yourself, at least do it for your children. Take care.

I believe men will always throw this excuse of "invasion of privacy" when they have something to hide. If you didn't check, you wouldn't know that he is texting another women right. Texting/flirting with another woman is just first few steps, but I still considered it as cheating. Slowly will develop feelings and end up sleeping together. If the woman offered, I am pretty sure your Husband will gladly oblige. I would say you are lucky to catch him at this stage. It is still salvageable. The only person he can and should have sex with is you. Men will have their needs. And if they can't get from their one and only source, MOST men will outsource. Sad to say. Hence, sometime just give him maybe once in a fortnight/month than to totally reject for the sake of men's need. I don't think he meant what said about your Son isn't his. Maybe he was just trying to earn some points or lie to convince that woman to continue talking to him. Is he sharing the burden with you? If not make him let you with the house or your Son, so he knows why you're always tired and also you will not feel so tired and spend more alone time with each other. Hugs.

Read more
5y ago

If the wife constantly talking to the same guy friend and laughing away. Is that considered cheating? lets say he even talk about the same guy friend in front of you and praise him. Would that consider cheating?

I totally relate on the low sex drive. I am the same too and I feel guilty about it. but I am just zapped out of my energy with the kids to be sexually aroused. maybe we really need help in that area. but you are right to say that not meeting his desires should not resort in flirting outside. there's no co relation to that...furthermore in doubt of his v own kids. shame on him. if there's no trust in the relationship you both are pursuing, I think you should seriously consider carrying on. I come from a broken family myself and it's traumatising to see a relationship being forced to work when it should have ended years earlier. spare your kids the trauma if the end result will be a divorce eventually. please think through each decision you make. my heart and prayers to your beloved family and I of course hope you manage to salvage it.

Read more

Thank God he is just flirting via text. This show he has self restrain and has stages before reaching to the point of adultery. Man need sex. If you can't provide him, he will go out and hunt.. Period.. There is nothing right or wrong is just the natural order. Pls consider going for sex therapist to help both of you to get intimate a bit. With regard to the DNA test. Just pay for it and get over it. It doesn't matter what he thinks. Hopefully the above help both of you to move on. Oh yes counseling is not about getting the other party to see your point of view.. It is to solve a problem regardless who is at fault. Sometimes the result doesn't necessarily give justice to either party.stop thinking counseling is to get justice.

Read more

Pardon My straightforwardness. If a man have doubts on whether the child is his or not, this type of Man U need to reconsider whether u should spend your life with. It's humiliating & disrespectful. Especially telling other woman such! Some sensitive issues like this issue should not be raised up. In regards to sexual intercourse, well.. ur pregnant now. Ur Husband should be understanding and thoughtful. Seeing a counsellor not to solving problems between him & the Wife, is on how to resolve sexual issues??? That shows that he dun really care about the marriage, he cares whether he can get his needs or not. If a man choose sex over family, sorry to say but he is not the one u can spend your life with

Read more

I disagree. Our son is 14 mo and i have low drive too post his birth, sometimes im just too tired. We cosleep, so last 1 year we barely had sex less than 10 times. Although my hubby jokes about it, he is very loving and never had bad feelings. He respects all the hard work i do as he is not hands-on.We both agree that children will be small for sometime only, after that will be normal for us.He is also a top exec and travels widely, so lots of oppurtunities to "hunt". Though men have instincts, its not good to categorise all as same. If he us a loving husband and dad, he should help you tackle the issue together, rather than blame you. My 2 cents here.

Read more

firstly, he should open up to you the moment he feels neglected NOT go to other women. secondly, invasion of privacy between spouses is not as bad as flirting with other people behind your partner's back because that is downright CHEATING. totally unacceptable and unforgivable. thirdly, you deserve better. if a man values his sexual desire more than the state of your marriage or your feelings, dismissing the impact it will have on your kid/s and family, a marriage counselling session will not help.

Read more
VIP Member

Sorry to say. i doubt it's the low sex drive that is making him flirt outside. it takes two hands to clap. If the low sex drive is affecting him, he could have voiced it out and not keep quiet about it. Since he feels that it isn't his child. Tell him. What if after the DNA test proves that it's HIS child? Will that change his mind about flirting? Will that change his mind about the low sex drive?

Read more
5y ago

He kept quiet when I asked him what if the DNA tests proves is his child. He just say test first. I don't understand why he still did not admit is his fault. Here I wanted to save the marriage so long as he admit is his fault and he try to regain my trust while I still seek professional help on my low sex drive. On the other hand, he kept insisting so long as my issue is resolved, things will be fine. He totally dun understand the whole rationale of going for marriage counselling.

No no no. As a daddy I can clearly say this is unacceptable. Time to have another frank talk with him and set some ground rules. Be clear on the consequences if these rules are breached. This may just be some harmless fun on his eyes, but he has to understand how much this is hurting you, and how much your body has been through to be able to give him your loved one. Good luck!

Read more

hi there, hang in there.. i feel you! and you are a strong brave woman! counselling surely the 1st correct step youve taken. however if this doesnt work.. you have to make a concrete decision to leave or not. pls remember a tiger never change his stripes... i know this will be a hurting process for you but we are here to support you! good luck yeah..

Read more