How would you discipline a teenage child?

Around the time that your child starts secondary school, you might need to adjust your approach to discipline. Effective discipline for teenagers focuses on setting agreed limits and helping teenagers work within them. Teenage discipline: the basics Discipline isn’t about punishment. It’s about teaching children appropriate ways to behave. For teenagers, discipline is about agreeing on and setting appropriate limits and helping them behave within those limits. When your child was younger, you probably used a range of discipline strategies to teach him the basics of good behaviour. Now your child is growing into a teenager, you can use limits and boundaries to help him learn independence, take responsibility for his behaviour and its outcomes, and solve problems. Your child needs these skills to become a young adult with her own standards for appropriate behaviour and respect for others. An important part of this is learning to stick to some clear rules, agreed on in advance, and with agreed consequences. Teenagers don’t yet have all the skills they need to make all their own decisions, so the limits you agree on for behaviour are an important influence on your child. Teenage discipline is most effective when you: communicate openly with your child, so you can check in with each other about how the limits and rules are working build and maintain a warm and loving family environment, so your child feels safe to make mistakes. Children with warm family relationships learn to control their own behaviour, especially when guided by parents. Negotiation is a key part of communicating with teenagers and can help avoid problems. Negotiating with your child shows that you respect his ideas. It also helps him learn to compromise when necessary as part of decision-making. Agreeing on clear limits Clear limits and expectations can discourage problem behaviour from happening in the first place. Limits also help your child develop positive social behaviour, including showing concern for others. Here are some tips for setting clear limits: Involve your child in working out limits and rules. When your child feels that you listen to her and she can contribute, she’ll be more likely to see you as fair and stick to the agreed rules. Be clear about the behaviour you expect. It can help to check that your child has understood your expectations. For example, a rule such as ‘Come home after the movie’ might mean one thing to you, but something different to your child. But you can say it more precisely – for example, ‘Come straight home after the movie ends and don’t go anywhere else’. Discuss responsibilities with your child. For example, ‘I’m responsible for providing for you. You have responsibilities too, such as tidying your room’. Agree in advance with your child what the consequences will be if he doesn’t stick to the rules you’ve agreed on. Use descriptive praise when your child follows through on agreed limits. For example, ‘Thanks for coming straight home from the movie’. Be willing to discuss and adjust rules as your child shows responsibility or gets older – for example, by extending your child’s curfew. Different families have different standards and rules for behaviour.