33 Replies
aiyo money will always cause problems. Got money got problem. No money also got problem. Remember that money is just an object. Money can be earned back one. Right now might look really really tough but you just need to hang in there. Your husband also, even if it doesn't seem like it, he is also trying his best. Keep trying to talk to him every night. Eventually he will open up about it. Be patient and be the best wife you can be right now for the marriage. If really really jialat, like 2 months bo talk, I would suggest bringing in someone you trust as a mediator about the problem. Money is a touchy subject, but it's also the most objective one. The solution is usually clear cut about money. Don't worry, every sg couple will have money issues. It's how you handle it after that matters. jia you, don't give up.
It depends on both honestly. We've had literally $0 in both our bank accounts, with a house and renovations on the way and yet we were perfectly happy. We'd come back home from work, share a packet of economic noodles and watch tv to save $. We've also had a few Ks savings but yet we were fighting a lot of minor reasons. Financial crisis is bad, esp in Singapore where everything is expensive but it doesn't necessary have to cost friction between a couple. Since you both are on a budget, take little dates at home, cuddling on the sofa watching tv. Stop talking about money for a few hours. Why wait until you both get over the whole thing? Prevention is always better than cure :)
I am sorry to hear about your situation. Currently my husband also facing the stresses due to the financial crisis while I am a homemaker. At this moment, I believe your husband also feeling very stressed about financial in the house. Both of you can sit down and find a concrete solution, i.e. sit down and discuss what are the expenses to cut down at the moment, e.g. kids enrichment classes, household items, less eat out in restaurants and etc. Having a cold war in the house will not solve the problem. When he doesn't feel like talking to you, you can arrange a simple date with him and slowly prompt into the discussion and see how can you help him to go through this tough period together.
Wow, that's a tough one. I don't think there's any sort of magical fix-all solution. Money puts stress on a relationship like none other. I would say a guiding principle on how to fix this is to try and prioritize communication above all else. Let him know how it makes you feel when he stays quiet, and try and encourage him to share how this situation makes him feel. A lot of men stay quiet because they feel that as the "man of the house", they have to shoulder the burden themselves to protect you. Try and communicate to him that you are his partner and equal in life, and that the only way this will work is if you fight this together.
I do believe that honest communication is key here. Keep things honest about who or what is causing the financial stress? Admit the problem and then work together to fix it. Although my husband does have a tendency to shut me out too when he's worried about something or stressed out, I try my best to engage him in conversation that doesn't involve what we're both concerned with. Meaning, just give him his time and space to want to try and fix it (most men are wired this way too I think) and do whatever it takes to only help and not add on the both of your stresses.
Allow him to detach a bit but always be there to support and listen when he feels ready to open up. It can be difficult because you have feelings of your own that need to be processed but in relationships, there needs to be a balance. If he is not ready to talk, show him you love him through gestures and when you speak, do it gently without any pressure or judgment. This is challenging because it takes a lot of patience. But as long as you're in it together even if there may be lulls in communication, you'll be fine. :)
If your financial issue has something to do with credit card debts, you can consider seeking help from Credit Counselling Singapore. They are a non-government-link organisation and a registered charity and can help to arrange for repayment plans with the creditors. http://www.ccs.org.sg/ For the both of you, you may want to consider marriage counselling. Sometimes, having a third party can aid in improving communication especially in times of stress and crisis. http://app.msf.gov.sg/Policies/Marriages/Marriage-Counselling
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There will really come a time when couples face crisis. In your case, having financial crisis might bring you down and cause emotional stress, but hey, the good thing about going through this tough time is that you have each other. If your husband is having a hard time, support him all the more. Keep on communicating and let him feel that this is just one of the many challenges that you, as a couple, can surpass as long as you have each other. Remember, tough times don't last. Tough couples do. :)
Well what is the "financial crisis"? Just to share my situation with you. I just lost my job. There is an income drop in my household, and there are alot of uncertainty ahead. I am also keeping quiet because honestly its embarrassing like going for meal now i have to wait for people to pay. But keeping quiet sometimes doesnt mean all that. But at least for me i am thinking how to get out of the situation.. that is the goal and it will be done. So just bear with the man..